My husband refuses to join me in America

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and I hope that you can give me your advice. I am in my 30s and I have two young children. I live in America, but my husband lives in Jamaica. We have been in love since I was in my early 20s. I left Jamaica after my husband agreed that I can live in America and he would follow. I took the two children with me and I thought everything will be alright. After I came to America, my husband would not behave himself in Jamaica. He was behaving as if he was glad that I left. He would turn off his phone so I could not talk to him. When I asked him why his phone was off, he said that he was tired and had to sleep to go to work early in the mornings. I became suspicious.

I am very angry with my husband because one of the girls he got entangled with is a girl I taught in school. My husband should know better. People said that she got pregnant and had an abortion. My husband said that it is a lie. Everything was in place for my husband to join me in America. But now he is telling me that he is not interested in living in America anymore. He wants to remain in Jamaica because he does not want to live as a second-class citizen in America. When he said that to me, I cried because I thought my husband and I had a good thing going.

When I was in Jamaica, we never fussed and we never had any fights, but the moment I turned my back, things changed. But, I am not going back. I told him to give up his women and come and he said women will not prevent him from coming to America. That is not the issue. He has just changed his mind. I don't have a man here. I have never looked for one. When the kids talk to my husband on the phone, they ask him when he is coming up and he tells them that he would let them know.

Pastor, I am still young. My mind has not turned against my husband. My relatives in America are telling me that I should divorce him, but that is hard to do. Whenever he calls me again, I may have to ask him whether he is interested in getting a divorce. I don't know if I can live without him right now. But then again, I am here alone. My relatives are helping me. Would you suggest that I divorce him? I am looking to you for your guidance. All the best.

A.

Dear A.,

Let me begin by telling you that long distance relationships are not easy to deal with. Often, people get involved with others if they have been away from their partners for a long period of time. I don't want you to believe that I am saying it always happens. That is not true at all. Many couples have remained faithful to each other for a long time, but others have not.

Your husband and yourself have two children. He promised that he would join you in America, but soon after you left, he got involved with other women. And suddenly, he has decided that he does not want to live in America anymore. That is so sad. His children are going to grow up without having their father around. You are going to be without a husband and live as a single mother. It is going to be very tough for you. You are going to have to rely heavily on relatives to assist you. But you are going to overcome the loss of your husband. He should have known better not to become sexually involved with other women, including one of your past students.

Perhaps you believe that these women have caused him to change his mind. You may be correct but I would suggest that you give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the day will come where he will come to his senses and want to join you. That time might be too late because you would have moved on. It is a decision that you have to make for yourself.

I hope this man will send financial support for his children and you. He is destroying his family life. If you are going to divorce him, don't be in a hurry to do so. Give him time to make up his mind.

Pastor