Two men say they are in love with me

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. I have been celibate for three years. I am now 49 years old. I was married, but I lost my husband in a car accident. He was a wonderful husband.

It has been hard for me, but he did not leave me to suffer. We have our own home and he had very good insurance. We have two children and my sisters have helped me with the children after my husband's death.

UNFAIR TO HIM

About a year ago, I started to date again. It was hard to date another man. I looked at this new man and compared him with my late husband. He used to tell me that I was being unfair to him as he cannot take the place of my husband. That is true because my husband was tall and this man I am dating is short. My husband did not talk much, while this man can't keep his lips sealed. He is always talking. He was so upset one day when I told him that I have always heard that short men like to talk and to be seen. He said that I insulted him.

I am in a good job, but the man I am seeing is a farmer. He is not making much from his farm. I go on the farm sometimes. Now I am wondering what to do because I am getting to love him. I do not love him for money because he has none. This man is short in every way, and I mean no disrespect, Pastor. I am a Christian and I am active in my church. He wants us to get married, but I told him to give me more time because my mind is not fully made up. To be truthful to you, there is a brethren in my church who loves me. He has a good position in government. He only has one daughter and she loves me, too. She was the first to tell me that her father was interested in me, but that he was too shy to approach me.

Now, I am not too sure what I should do. He is older than I am, and his daughter is in her last year in university. His daughter is a wonderful Christian who takes care of her dad. Help me make a decision, please.

B.L.

Dear B.L.,

Marry the man you love more. If you love the farmer more, don't turn him down because he is a farmer and farming might not be doing well. Marry him because you genuinely love him.

At the same time, you have to consider that at your age, you don't want to struggle in life. Before your husband died, both of you had a good relationship. He left you in a good position financially. I hope you wouldn't have to spend your money on the farmer who is struggling financially. But consider him if you love him more than the other man.

Now, concerning this other guy who is a member of the church you attend. He might have the edge over the farmer because he is in a stable job and is not struggling financially. His daughter loves you, and he is a Christian. If you love him more than the farmer, marry him. Don't leave both of these men dangling. Make up your mind and do what is right.

Pastor