My daughter is bringing boys into my house - ... Tells me that I have no right to speak to her

Dear Pastor,

I have a daughter and a son. I am 38 years old. My son is very obedient, but my daughter is not. I got pregnant when I was 18. It was my first sexual experience and I couldn't let anybody know who the father was because he was married and I tried to protect him.

My mother was a prominent person and I did not want to embarrass her either. The man who I told my mother got me pregnant was not even in Jamaica. My mother knew that he and I were friends, so she accepted what I said. When my daughter became a teenager, I told her the truth about her father and that young girl is always mentioning to me that I shouldn't tell her who to talk to because I got involved with a married man. About four years ago, she went to the man and introduced herself and he said to her, "You don't have to tell me who you are, I know who you are." He has been supporting her in school. I beg my daughter to keep it under wraps, but she tells me that she does not care if his wife knows about her. Sometimes the things that she says to me, I feel like I will knock her down.

We are living at my mother's home and sometimes I have to work at nights and my daughter has brought her boyfriends here and is having sex with them. When I spoke to her about it, she said I am no better. I called a counsellor and he spoke to her, and she told the counsellor that I am in no position to talk to her. Please tell me what to do.

S.N.

Dear S.N.,

I understand what you are going through. You made a mistake when you were young and you do not want to see your daughter fall in a similar trap.

Eventually, you told your daughter about her biological father. She did not wait for you to introduce you to him; she went ahead of you and approached this man who admitted that he is, indeed, her father. Now, she feels that she has a right to tell his wife that he has an 'outside' child.

But I would like to tell you, madam, the mistake that you have made by getting involved with this man should not prevent you from correcting your daughter when she does anything that is wrong. I hope that her father, by now, has told his wife about her.

I hope that your mother will be able to calm this girl down and show her that it would be a big mistake to report her father to his wife. It is something that he ought to do when he is ready. Your daughter is behaving like a rude girl. She needs to learn to behave herself. She has no right to take men into her grandmother's house.

My dear sister, do not allow your daughter to make you feel that you are a bad mother. Your past is your past. Tell her father what you are going through with her and ask him to meet with her whenever it is possible and let her know that he is willing to help her as a father, but she has to show respect to you.

Don't beg your daughter to forgive you; just try to treat her well. Please don't get into any argument at all with her.

Pastor