American man tricked me into sleeping with him - He said that we would get married

Dear Pastor,

I am a 23-year-old black girl and I was having a relationship with a 50-year-old white man. When he first met me and told me that he loved me, I told him that he was too old for me and his people would not accept me.

He told me that I should not worry about them, and what was important was that he loved me. He was in Jamaica on business. He told me that he was married and had four children. He also said that when he went back to America he was going to complete the divorce and then he would come back and marry me. It sounded too good to be true. I took him to meet my mother and she had a long talk with him. He took me all over Jamaica, but he did not want me to answer his phone. His children and wife called him, but I remained quiet.

When it was time for him to leave, I did not want him to go. Before I met him I had a boyfriend, whom I left to be with this man. But after this man left, I could not get him on the phone. After two weeks, he called me and told me that he was working on his plans. I told him that I did not have any money and he sent me $17,000. I wanted more money, so I lied and told him, after two months, that I was pregnant. He told me to get rid of it. He asked me how much to do an abortion and I told him $100,000. He said that was too much money. After that I could not hear from him. I tried to call, but his number rang without an answer. I am glad I was not pregnant.

Then one day he called and told me that he and his wife are back together, but he will never forget me and he is going to come back to Jamaica to see me. He said that I was the first black woman with whom he had a relationship.

Pastor, I don't know what to do. My boyfriend and I are talking again, but he keeps bringing up what I did and how I left him for a 'whitey'. He said that he can't trust me like before. I am begging you to tell me what to do.

S.B.

Dear S.B.,

This man never really loved you. He was only having a good time with you. He was in Jamaica for a certain amount of time and he wanted a woman while he was here.

He did not want to spend money on prostitutes. He wanted to have a steady woman. So when he met you, you fit his profile. Unfortunately, you were not aware that there are many foreigners who come to Jamaica to work for a short period, or on vacation, and seek women to be with them for the duration of their stay.

Many of these men are liars. They have their families abroad, but they tell the Jamaican women that they are in love with them, and that they will marry them and take them to America. Many young women believe this. The men use them until they return to America, and then they lie that the relationship is over because they have reconciled with their wives. Some change their numbers, and the Jamaican women never hear from them again.

I am sorry that this man used you. But you will have to put it behind you. You tried to get money out of him by telling him that you were pregnant and needed money for an abortion. This man did not believe you, and he wasn't going to send money for you to terminate a pregnancy. He probably spoke to some of his male friends and told them what you said. They probably told him that you are pulling a trick on him, because that is what many women do when they want money from men.

I hope that your boyfriend will forgive you and both of you can start over. I suggest that you both make an appointment to see a family counsellor and discuss the matter. I wish you well.

Pastor