Should I go and live with my daughter and husband?

Dear Pastor,

I am a widow as my husband died 10 years ago. Our only daughter is married and living with her husband. They have two children.

My daughter and her husband have been encouraging me to sell what I have and come and live with them. I am in my 60s and I am independent. My son-in-law and I get along very well. My daughter doesn't want me to take anybody to live with me. She said that she and her husband can take care of me better than anybody else. My health is not bad and I don't owe anybody.

When my husband died, one of his friends tried to have a relationship with me. But my daughter was against it and I did not love him enough to go against what she said. It turned out that he really wanted to get what my husband and I worked so hard to build.

My daughter and her husband have a four-bedroom house with three bathrooms. I would not have to use the same bathroom that my grandchildren use. Sometimes I say that I will go to live with them, but I am very active in my church and I can do what I want in my own place. So, I don't know what to do.

I have some money and my daughter's name is on my account. She has never used my money. She doesn't have to. She and her husband have very good jobs. I want you to help me make up my mind. Sometimes I want male company, but I can do without a man. Give me your advice.

F.S.

Dear F.S.,

You are a happy and wise woman. Evidently, you and your late husband had a beautiful relationship. Not many widows can say that they are comfortable and can pay their bills.

Some widows are very unhappy. Some have children, but the children don't care about them. They were not careful about saving their money and some had husbands who were squanderers. They were drunks and gamblers. So, I am pleased to know that in your senior years, you are comfortable and very happy.

Concerning the proposal from your daughter, I would suggest that you seriously consider it. Your daughter and son-in-law don't want you to be alone. They know that it would be difficult for you to give up your independence. For you, independence means getting up whenever you want, going wherever you want, eating and drinking whatever you want, and associating with the people you love, especially from your church. You should put these matters before them. You should tell them what you don't want to give up. You want your own space. You may ask them to make some adjustments to their home to accommodate you. Having your own room and bathroom is not enough. Think about it. If you were to sell your property, you might be able to do an addition to their house if that would be necessary. Perhaps no addition needs to be done. But moving in with them might not be a bad idea because if you are ill, they will be able to take care of you. Some of the money you saved can be used to employ a caregiver to take care of you. So, think about it. Don't say no to everything. If you do not have to sell your home, consider leasing it. That is something you may want to discuss with your daughter and son-in-law. A lawyer can advise you on that. Let me hear from you again. You have a good daughter and son-in-law. I wish you well.

Pastor