Babyfather refuses to marry me - I turned down his first proposal, now he’s angry

Dear Pastor,

I am a 28-year-old woman and I have two children. I am living with their father who is 33. I had my first child when I was 25. He asked me to marry him then, but I was not ready.

He was living at his parents' home and I told him that when he leaves there and was willing for us to rent a place of our own, we could consider getting married. He did not have a permanent job.

I got pregnant with my second child and by that time he had got a job. I did not want to have two children outside of wedlock. When I discussed that with him, he said that having a second child and not being married would not hurt me. So we could carry on. I have three sisters and they are all married and it is so embarrassing when we meet. I am the only one who is living with a man and not married.

after my second child

My father has stopped asking me when I am getting married, but my mother says that she talks to him about it all the time. I stopped going to church after I had my second child because this man would drop me off and pick me up and would never come in. We don't invite anybody from the church to our home. The children attend Sunday school and they are 'chatty chatty'. So everything they see in the house, they tell their friends about it.

I love this man but I believe that he is punishing me by not agreeing to marry me. I am ready to marry this man now. But every time I raise the matter he does not give me a good answer. We are sending our children to good schools and we have paid down on a town house. The only thing I need now is the ring on my finger. Sometimes I ask him if he has another woman. He tells me that he doesn't. He said that I embarrassed him when I told him that he wasn't ready when I had our first child. I did not want to go and live in his parents' house. But now I am willing to marry him. Please tell me what to do.

G.B.

Dear G.B.,

I have carefully read your letter and I do not understand why your children's father can't understand that you turned down his proposal years ago.

You had your first child and he wanted to have you and your child live with him in his parents' home. You took a principled stand and I believe that you weighed the matter carefully and said no.

You got pregnant again and this time he has got himself a job. You told him that you are ready for your ring. He has a job now but he has not agreed to marry you. It is as if he is punishing you for reasons better known to himself. Be he has not given you any good reasons why he won't marry you now. Continue to be a good woman to him. Take care of his children. I hope that he would not continue to embarrass you by not marrying you. If you have a good relationship with his parents, you may want to discuss the matter with them and ask them to talk to him about getting married to you.

Pastor