My man refuses to get me

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am a 38-year-old woman and I am in a relationship with a man who is 50. He is a divorced father of two children. I was never married and I do not have children. It is my wish to have at least two children. I have never got pregnant. I have two sisters and they are both married and have children. Sometimes I feel jealous of them.

This man that I am with told me that he will marry me, but he does not want any more children. I told him that my clock is ticking and I love him, but he should get me pregnant. I was shocked when he said to me that we can end our relationship and I can go and get pregnant by another man if that is what I want.

I don't want another man, I want this man. He is everything to me. I know he loves me. He has fitted in very well with my relatives. His children love me. Both are in college and are living with their mother in New York. Whenever they come to Jamaica, they stay with us. His daughter and I are like sisters. She is very respectful. She asks her father when is he going to marry me and he told her I am preventing him from getting married. He did not tell her why. I took the chance and I told her, and surprisingly she did not have any comments.

Why would this man tell me that I can leave him and have another relationship? I told him that he doesn't truly love me if he would want another man to get into my life. He said if a child would make me happy, he would not prevent me from leaving him and going with another man who would get me pregnant.

I have not seen any man who is as good and respectful as this man I am living with. He doesn't stop me from going anywhere that I want to go. He helps me to buy a car and he pays the insurance. But, pastor, I need a child from him and I am not going with any other man.

What do you think I should do? Sometimes I cry when I think of my situation. Please, give me your advice.

D.

Dear D.,

This man has told you that he does not want any more children. He has already fathered two children and they are enough. He is being very fair to you, although to you, it does not appear that way. You need to stop pushing this man. He told you that if having a child would make you happy, he is willing to end the relationship with you and allow you to find another man who may get you pregnant.

You consider what he said as being cruel, but he is not. He would rather lose you to another man than to see you unhappy and harassing him. Now, I know that some readers may say he should get you pregnant and allow you to struggle with the baby. But he is 50 years old and he knows that to have a child, it is an awesome responsibility. He is not in that anymore. So, you have to decide either to leave this man or go hunting for another man who might be as responsible, caring and loving as your present man.

Some people say that a woman's life is never fulfilled without a child. I don't know how true that is. Many people believe that unless a woman becomes a biological mother, she is not totally happy. I know some very educated women who have been successful in life. They have never got pregnant and they are not interested in having children.

I wonder if you would not just consider accepting this man's two children as yours, instead of fretting of not becoming pregnant. The choice really is yours. I cannot tell you what to do in this matter.

Pastor