My friend is using me for sex

Dear Pastor,

I hope all is well with you. There's an issue that's bothering me and I would like your advice on the matter. I am a 35-year-old male and I have a friend (I consider her to be a friend right now) who's the same age as me. She is going through a divorce. She has just started the process, but the thing that bothers me is that she is coming out of a 15-year relationship and has been married for seven of those years. However, she is quickly moving on to have a relationship with me.

One evening, I reached home early and she came over and we were there chilling, talking a lot and enjoying each other's company. When she started to caress my body, I stopped her and told her that we should wait until the divorce is finalised before we take the next step. I honestly don't want to be a part of the drama, and her husband loves the drama and excitement. After I spoke to her, she stopped for a moment, but started again. We eventually had sex.

One day, she asked me when I was coming to see her. She's staying at her mom's house. I told her I think that she's just horny and want to use me for sex. She admitted that she was horny but she insisted that she just wanted to move on with her life. Her mom and my dad have been friends for a long time, so whenever I go visit my dad, I would oftentimes see her mom.

Four days prior to writing this letter, her mom said to me that I could be her son-in-law, and that she knew me for a long time, and that she loves me. Even though the daughter is a really calm and humble person, I think she wants to move on too soon, and my issue is that I may get caught up in the middle of this drama, since the husband knows me and doesn't want to let go off her.

I really need your advice.

G

Dear G.,

The woman you wrote about loves you, and although you are pretending that you do not wish to be involved, you are already involved in her life. When she visited you and came on strong and you told her to stop, you did not genuinely did not want her to. She is not a fool. She knew that you did not mean it and you proved that you did not mean it by consenting to have sex with her.

You know that this woman and her husband are in the process of getting a divorce. What is the drama you are talking about? Are you trying to say that you do not wish for anybody to suspect, or to know that you and this woman are having a romantic relationship? Is it that while both of you can spend time together and play around sexually, you wouldn't want her husband to know as yet that you are playing with his wife?

I don't understand why you have written to me. Am I to understand that you just want to find out whether this girl is moving too fast? If you thought that she was moving too fast, then you should have kept your distance, but you have not been doing so. Don't bother to pretend that you don't like what's going on between the both of you.

You are very much a part of this girl and her family. Her mother loves you. I hope that you would not fool this girl and that both of you would seek professional help by going to a family counsellor to get guidance. You say this young woman talks about being horny, but what about you? You are quite ready and willing to cool her down whenever she is horny.

I repeat, don't fool the girl. She might be moving very fast, but you have made her feel that you are her man and that everything is going to be alright after she has received her divorce absolute. Perhaps you should discuss this relationship with your father and tell him how this girl feels about you and how you feel about her. He may have some suggestion to make to you.

Pastor