The guy is

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and I've been reading your column from a very tender age. I read all the time, but I am writing to you for the first time. I honestly don't even know where to start. I grew up in a poor family. We did not have it, but that didn't bother us as we had each other, even without our parents, sometimes. I tried to keep my head up as a young girl, which I did, and graduated with 13 subjects. I'm working and thinking about going back to school.

Here is where it all got messed up. I started to lose focus and started having friends, and even ended up with a boyfriend. I was just enjoying the moment while it lasted - the fast life, the parties, friends and my boyfriend. They all just seemed so perfect as if nothing could go wrong. However, I was not thinking about where I'm coming from, and where I should be going, and for the past six months, things are just going downhill. Bills are piling up, my head is all over the place, and I cry a lot when I'm alone.

I get upset easily because of the things I've been through with my friends and so-called boyfriend. I am struggling to understand why people would be so unfair to me. All I did was care about them, sometimes even putting their needs above mine.

I know people are going to say young people this and that, and I should be concentrating on going back to school. I agree, but right now it just feels like it's all going backwards. I don't associate with friends anymore and I hardly go out.

The guy is still around and tries to play with my feelings. He could go days without talking to me, but still wants to go to bed with me. Oh, and if you are wondering, he doesn't even try to help with my bills. I don't even know why I stick around, Pastor, honestly. I am trying to leave from the situation with him, but I don't think I'm trying hard enough because I think I really love him and every time he comes around, I instantly forget the days we don't talk.

Another part of me is saying I'm only 19 and that I deserve to be happy. I'm trying my best with everything and trying to not give up just by thinking this won't last forever. I just really need your advice because there's really no one I feel would understand or even hear what is actually going on.

Thank you.

Anonymous

Dear ......,

Perhaps you have made bad choices. You did well in school but upon your graduation, pride took over and you got involved with a man and you went astray, so to speak.

I have observed that you have not said anything about your parents, apart from mentioning that you grew up poor. I want to assure you that people make mistakes, but you have come to realise that you cannot continue to throw your life away.

This young man with whom you have got involved is not helping you. Perhaps he believes that just having a good time is all that one needs to do.

You should, indeed, go back to school and work on a career. You need to refocus. It can be done because you are only 19 years old. So, I beg you, do not throw away the rest of your life. Decide what you want to do and after doing so, consider attending the university. Be careful with the guy you consider to be your boyfriend. Make sure he does not get you pregnant. Your education should be your number one priority right now.

Pastor