My stepdad’s 50-year-old friend has eyes on me

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 years old and I am living at home with my mother and stepfather. I am still in school, but I will graduate soon. I am planning to go to the HEART/NSTA.

My father did not support me until I got to the age of 14. He only stepped up after I reached out to his sisters and told them who I am. They talked to my mother about me and when they saw me, they said 'yes, it is so and so daughter for true'. That was when my father started to support me.

My stepfather told my mother that she shouldn't take any money from him because I was surviving without his help all these years. My mother said that she has forgiven him, so she would take the money. My father told his sisters that my mother was a hot girl and when she told him she was pregnant with me, he wasn't sure that he was the one who got her pregnant. My mother told him that she would take him to court, but she said she didn't bother with that because my stepfather came into the picture and helped her.

Sometimes people who do not know that my stepfather is not my biological father think that my mother gave him a jacket. My stepfather is a security guard, but he tries.

I would like to go to university, so we are saving for that. But I agreed with my teacher to enrol at HEART/NSTA. My stepfather has friends who come around on weekends and they play dominoes. One of them, who is about 50 years old, told me that he loves me and he will give me anything that I want. I cannot tell my parents what he said. Sometimes when my stepfather's friends are at the house, I help my mother cook for them. They always comment on my cooking. I learned to cook from the time I was very young. My favourite dish for them is curried chicken and rice, and sometimes ackee and salt fish.

Pastor, I know this man can give me any amount of money I ask him for. However, I don't want to go that way, although I know that my mother and stepfather are struggling. Last Christmas, my father gave me $10,000 and told me to buy something nice for myself. I gave my mother $6,000 out of it and I used the rest to do my hair and to buy girl stuff.

I do not have a boyfriend; I am not interested in that. My father is not married, but he is living with a woman. He is younger than she is. She has three children but none of them are his. I am his only child. I don't know my father well. My mother told me that she has forgiven him for the way he treated her and me. Whenever we call his name in the house, I can see that my stepfather doesn't like it at all. My mother said that we should be careful not to discuss him when my stepfather is around.

My father cannot take the place of my stepfather because my stepfather is really the only father I know. My stepfather and mother have bought a house together; they are still paying for it. I am comfortable because I have my own room. Thanks for reading my letter.

M.

Dear M.,

Your father was very careless. Even if he wasn't sure that your mother was carrying his child, he could have dealt with the matter better instead of just abandoning her and leave her to struggle by herself. Your stepfather came into the picture and helped your mother. He genuinely loved your mother and he accepted you as his own child. He is a good man. I hope that you will always respect and honour him.

Your mother's attitude is correct. She has forgiven your father. Your stepfather doesn't want to hear anything about this man. He considers him trash. He looks down on him for the way he has treated you, but what has happened in the past cannot be changed. He will always remain your biological father and your stepfather will have a special place in your heart, and rightly so.

You did not say what field of work you would like to venture into. However, your teacher and counsellors in high school have tried to give you guidance. Now that is very good, however, you would like to know what you ought to become. You should work as hard as possible to be in that field.

Concerning your father's friend - who is about 50 years old - he only wants to get under your skirt. He does not wish you well. You are afraid to tell your folks about the desires he has to become intimate with you. However, if he continues to harass you, you should talk to your mother about it. She will decide whether something should be said to your stepfather. Keep far away from this man. Never be alone with him.

Your stepfather thinks of him as a friend, but he is not a good person. Take good care of yourself and let me hear from you again.

Pastor