Sometimes I feel like

Dear Pastor,

Greetings in the mighty name of Jesus. I am asking you please to help me. I am a 30-year-old woman, and I have two children. I am not married, but I am living with my children's father. I don't know anybody on my father's side of the family, except for one of his sisters. She told me that she is not a biological sister, but she grew up with his grandmother, who is now dead. My children are always asking for their grandfather.

My mother left me with my grandmother when I was a baby. She tried her best with me. When I was 13 years old, a man, who used to visit my grandmother, put question to me. I told my grandmother, and she cursed him and told him not to come back.

My grandmother is a Pentecostal woman and she could 'see' things. I got involved with a brother from the church when I was 16 years old. We had sex behind the church one day when I went to young people's club meeting. That was when I lost my virginity.

After that, I kept the friendship going with this guy. However, he got involved with another girl. She and I got into a fight over him, and she scratched up my face. When my grandmother asked why I had these scratches on my face, I told her I was in a fight with this girl. She went to the girl, who told her that I was taking away her man and that I was a young whore. My grandmother came home and beat me and tried to examine me to find out whether I was having sex. I couldn't believe that grandma would try to search me. My grandmother told me that if I was not going to behave myself I would have to leave her house.

I made my plans to leave. I was a bright girl in school, but I started to drop back in my lessons. I had to sit with my grandmother when I attended church. I didn't have much fellowship with the other young girls in church. I had a teacher who encouraged me, and I could confide in her. When I became 18, I left my grandmother's house and became friendly with a guy who used to cut yard. He was living on his own, in a one-bedroom house, and I moved in with him. I had to go outside to use the toilet. The relationship lasted for one year.

I got a job in a store, and a man came in there with his girlfriend and saw me and told me that he liked me. He gave me his number, and I called him, and he told me that he would leave his girlfriend for me. I left my boyfriend for this man. He rented a place for me, and after a month, he moved from where he was living with his girlfriend and came to live with me. He got me pregnant. We are still together. Now we have two children. He is a good father.

I have tried to find my mother, but from the time she left me I have never seen her. My grandmother didn't know where to find her. I went to my old school to make checks, but they can't even find any record of me. My grandmother told me that my mother never told her who was my right father. She said she knew him by his pet name. My children's father said that it is time for me to check this thing out before we get married. Sometimes I feel like nobody's child, but I try my best to grow up my children in the right and proper way. Please give me your advice.

Anonymous

Dear ......,

I would suggest that you go to the Register General's Department and put the matter before them. They will advise you appropriately. There are many reasons some women do not divulge the names of men who got them pregnant. Sometimes these men are prominent in society and do not want anybody to know that they impregnated women outside of their marriage. Sometimes women agree not to divulge names because they were raped, and sometimes women genuinely don't know the names of these men.

Something went radically wrong why your mother disappeared. I am glad your children's father wants to marry you. You can't reverse the past, but evidently, you are happy with your children's father. You have made mistakes, but you can always go forward and endeavour to live a better life.

Pastor