Babymother not taking care of my son

Dear Pastor,

I wrote to you on this matter five years ago. I can't say I'd agreed with your advice at the time, but took it. I found out that my woman - who didn't want to have sex with me during pregnancy, and for the four years after giving birth - was cheating on me.

It took me a while to come to terms with this. We parted ways and she took my son with her. I miss him. My mother had advised me that I shouldn't fight her on it, and so I didn't.

I visit my son in the country - where she has moved to - and I send money for him, but she seems to use the money to cover her own expenses. He was ill and she refused to take him to the doctor. Her mother told me, and I begged her to take him. I also sent her some money to pay for the doctor visit, as he was very ill. This bothers me.

My mind turns over things often, especially whether I should take my son, though I am sure she would fight this. He goes to a school in the Corporate Area, but he's still online despite almost all kids returning to face-to-face class. His mother does not pay her portion of his school fee, and neither does she buy his books nor his uniforms.

Pastor, life has a way of throwing curve balls at you, but I cannot say I am very regretful of how this turned out, now that I know the type of person I was with all along. However, I am worried. Should I worry, or should I just keep having faith that things will work out for him?

R.

Dear R.,

You claim that you wrote me five years ago but you did not agree with my responses. I want you to know that I deal with each matter on its merit. I don't expect all the persons who write to me to agree with me, either. After five years, you are admitting that I was correct in what I told you. It has taken a long time to realise that.

Your son is with his mother. You believe that she is not taking very good care of him. Her mother has complained to you about the matter. Why is it that the grandmother is not assisting the mother with him? You say the child was ill and the mother had refused to take him to the doctor. I don't believe that at all. What type of mother would refuse to take her son who is ill to the doctor? That would be a heartless mother who has refused to do so, even when she was provided with the money. What proof do you have that this woman is using the money that you give to support herself and not her son?

You claim that your son's mother is not living a good life. You have the right to talk to her about her son, and so you should do so. However, please don't accuse her of living an immoral life. Ask the child's grandmother to help with your son. I am sure she loves him and she would want to do her very best for him.

You have a right to see your son as often as possible. If you believe that his mother is trying to keep him away from you, then you can go to court on this matter. I wish you well, but be careful not to accuse your ex-woman of things you cannot prove.

Pastor