Bothered by his obsession with my ‘back door’

Dear Pastor,

I am a 27-year-old young woman and I am having a relationship with a man who is in his 40s. He and his wife broke up a year ago and we became friends. I want you to advise me what to do, because he is a very hard man to please. I try to please him in every way.

He is not Jamaican, but he loves Jamaican food. I learned to cook from I was growing up with my grandmother. I used to have a boyfriend, but he did not treat me well. So, when I met this man and he told me he loves me, I told him the truth. I told him that I had a boyfriend but we broke up.

This man rented a nice place and it is there I am living. He spends lots of time with me. Everybody knows that I couldn't pay $40,000.00 for rent and that is what he is paying for me. I really love him and I don't want to leave him. However, I told him that it is not healthy for me to do what he wants me to do. He does not want to use a condom. He believes in withdrawing, and I do not want to become pregnant. Sometimes I am so afraid that he might discharge in me.

What is bothering me most is that he likes to do anal sex. He seems to enjoy that more than any other type of sex. But not only that, he licks my anus and when I told him that is not a good thing to do, he says nothing is wrong with it.

My former boyfriend tried that with me one time and I told him that I will never kiss him again. Every time I protest, this man calls me a chicken and I always think about the money he gives me and the rent he pays. He said he would like to marry me and to take me to America. However, it is hard for me to subject myself to this type of sex. I am, therefore, writing to ask you what I should do. I will be looking in THE STAR every day for your answer.

R.T

Dear R.T.,

I cannot encourage you to do anal sex. Some people may say that it is not my business. Indeed it is not my business, but you have asked me for my opinion. I cannot ignore your question. The anus is never totally clean. So shouldn't a woman be concerned?

You did not say whether you are employed. Perhaps you are not. If you are totally relying on this man, it will be difficult for you to say no for some of the things that he may demand of you. Even with a job, it might be very hard for you to pay $40,000 per month for rent.

I am not here to condemn anybody. Try your best to get this man to have respect for you and not to subject you to do the things that you do not wish to do. He ought to learn also to use the condom. You must protect yourself from unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

Pastor