IN LOVE WITH MY DEAD HUSBAND'S FRIEND

Dear Pastor,

I am a widow. My husband died seven and half years ago. I am here living alone. I don’t go anywhere except to the supermarket and a few places. I have a car but I hardly drive. I am 60 years old and I have two daughters. One of my nephews and his wife are not living far from me, so they check on me often. Sometimes I get lonely, but I call friends and we talk about what is going on in the world.

There is a man who was a friend of my husband’s. After my husband died, this man told me that he was admiring me for a long time. He said that now that my husband is dead, he would like to know if we could be friends. I told him no because people would think that I was with him when my husband was alive. He said the both of us know that we were not lovers, so I shouldn’t be concerned about that.

I have been thinking about this man. I have found myself calling him and chatting with him. He is divorced. His wife went away and she never returned. She divorced him, so he is alone. I told my children that this man loves me. They asked me if I love him and I told them I don’t mind him, and both of them say that means that I love him. He is doing everything to show me that he cares for me. Whenever he goes to rural Jamaica, he brings me ground provision. We get along very well. We always have things to talk about. Both of us go to different churches. I am Anglican and he is Moravian. I told him I am not leaving my church and he doesn’t have to leave his church, if we should ever get married.

The more I talk to this man is the more I get to like him. He reminds me so much of my late husband. I know I can never replace my husband. For one thing my husband was short, this man is tall. My husband spoke standard English, but this man does not know English at all. But he was a good friend of my husband. Sometimes I think to be in a relationship with this man is to step down. I don’t know if I am making sense to you. Please give me your advice.

S.W

Dear S.W.,

You have not yet admitted it, but you are in love with this man. Your daughters know that you are. Evidently your husband left you in a good position. When I say that I mean you have your own home. You do not have to go anywhere to hustle a bread. You have two daughters who care about you. Your nephew and his wife are living close by, so they give an eye on whatever is happening. Now you have this man who wants you more than sliced bread. You know that the feelings for him are very strong. How long are you going to try to resist the feelings?

This man might not be educated but he knows how to treat a woman. He has been to the ‘University of the Street’. Don’t judge him on the same standard as your former husband. He is a short man in stature, but he is not short in character. He will probably make a wonderful husband.

I don’t know the man and I don’t know you, but you can consider what I say as ‘putting in a word’ for him.

Pastor