Boyfriend said my private part was ugly

Dear Pastor,

I am a 25-year-old woman. I have had five different boyfriends. My last two boyfriends were good lovers. The earlier ones and I played around because I was young and didn't understand.

I have always said that I want to get married. My fourth boyfriend proposed to me but I had to reject him. He came from the ghetto and was still living there. He did not have any money and throughout our relationship he was travelling on the bus. Whenever we were going out, he had to borrow his brother's car. Many times I had to pay for the dinner. So I knew that he could not be my husband. He was a good guy but not good enough for me. My siblings used to tease me about him. I never embarrassed him. He used to give me gifts and was always calling me.

ANOTHER GUY

I finally told him that our relationship could not continue because I was interested in another guy. He did not believe me and one evening when we were together, I called the guy, put my phone on speaker and he heard the guy's voice and said I embarrassed him. He then believed what I meant when I told him that I was moving on.

What I am about to tell you now is rather embarrassing. It took six months for me and the new guy to go to bed and he embarrassed me by saying that I have the ugliest private part he has ever seen. I asked him what he meant and he repeated by saying it is very ugly. None of the other guys ever told me that.

I went to see my gynaecologist and I told her what my boyfriend said and I asked her what I should do. She said I am a normal girl and nothing is wrong with my vagina. I told my boyfriend that I went to the doctor and what the doctor said and he was alarmed that I took him seriously and sought help. I told him that I didn't want to lose him so I will do anything to please him. He is just having a big laugh about the matter. But the doctor said that I am normal and that is what is important to me. Have you ever had to deal with this situation before as a counsellor? Please don't embarrass me.

Unknown

Dear Writer,

I have no intention of wilfully embarrassing you. You have asked me a question and I can answer honestly that women have discussed with me similar concerns that they have had.

You are really worried so you sought the help of a gynaecologist who assured you that nothing is wrong with you. I am sure that the doctor told you that some girls' vagina lips are longer than others and that is normal.

Now your boyfriend is telling you that he meant no harm by calling your vagina ugly. I hope that he will not hesitate to propose to you. Make sure that you take care of yourself and make sure that you do not move from man to man. Be careful to maintain a good reputation.

Pastor