Jealous husband is driving me to cheat

Dear Pastor,

I am a young woman in my 30s. I am married and I have three children. My husband and I were getting along until I started working at a certain place.

I saved enough to purchase a car. My husband did not want me to buy one. But I was tired of depending on him to pick me up and he accused me of having an affair with the taxi man who I used to hire sometimes.

When he first said it to me I thought he was joking. But he even went behind my back and stopped the man from taking me to work. The man got scared because my husband threatened him. He said he wouldn't want to get himself in trouble and that would happen if my husband carried out his threat. When I told my husband that he was wrong to approach the taxi driver, he said I was defending the guy because of what we were doing.

INTERESTED IN ME

Since my husband accused me of having extramarital affair, I have found myself thinking of men at my workplace who are interested in me. I never did this before my husband accused me. I am making more money than my husband. I can do without him. One of the guys who loves me is younger than I am. He buys me lunch almost every day. One day when he came into my office, it was his birthday and I closed my office door and kissed him. I could feel the tension in his pants but I did not care. It was the first time that I was doing that since my husband accused me of cheating.

Pastor, believe me, I have not slept with any other man. But I don't know how long I can resist the temptation. I am carrying a bad name for something that I have not done. The only thing I can give my husband credit for is that he is a good father. He spends time helping his children with their homework. But these days I am not interested in my husband. He claims that I bought a car so that I can meet my men whenever I wish to. I don't have to go out to meet a man; the men will meet with me if I want. Please give me your advice.

M.

Dear M.,

I hope that you will never yield to the temptation of going with another man. Your husband evidently is very jealous. Perhaps he believes that you are too beautiful to remain faithful to him. He has faults, but you have not said what they are. Both of you used to get along very well; now he has changed. What has caused that? I doubt it is because you have bought a car. Many wives have purchased their own vehicles because it is convenient to move around.

You found it convenient to have a taxi to take you to and from work on occasions. One would assume that your husband would have realised that you did not want to burden him. But instead of appreciating that you are able to get around in a taxi, he accused you of having an intimate relationship with the driver. Although you told him that was not true, he continued to believe it and embarrassed you by talking to the man about his relationship with you. Your husband was childish.

Now that you have bought your own vehicle, the relationship has further deteriorated and you have been having bad thoughts about wanting to make love with other men. You have already done so in your mind. You hugged and kissed a co-worker. I am sure that you know that you have sent a message to this guy and that message is simply this 'Yes, I am married, but I would love to have you.' Madam, that is so wrong, so I beg you to stop it now. Don't bother to get turned on by this young man. You have already turned him on because you felt the tension from him. Whenever this man comes to your office, don't close the door. If you are not careful it would not be long for the other workers to say that both of you are lovers.

Kindly talk to your husband and tell him that both of you should go and see a family counsellor before your relationship deteriorates further.

Pastor