Didn’t know my lover was married

Dear Pastor,

I am in my late 50s and I am a widower. But I have a female visitor. She takes care of my place and she is three years older than I am. She started out as my day's worker.

She used to come in and wash and clean and cook for me three times per week. She is a very lovely lady. I found myself unable to resist her, so we got involved.

She did not tell me that she was married. I knew that she was from Jamaica. It was after I went to bed with her that she confessed that she is married, but she left her husband in Jamaica five years ago. She said that she is not going back to him. I have never gone to bed with a married woman. I told her she is going to make a curse follow me.

BUY SEX

After I lost my wife, I used to buy sex every week. But since this woman and I got together, I stopped. But some of the women still call me and ask me if I do not need anything. I told this woman the truth. So, I wonder why she had to hide the truth from me. All the women who I used to buy sex from are younger. This woman is the oldest I have ever had since my wife died. I did not make the other women sleep over. They came and they stayed with me for about an hour and I paid them. It is cheaper for me to have this woman because she takes care of the house and my clothes.

I asked her why her husband has not divorced her and she told me that he is still hoping that she will return to him. After she told me that she left her husband in Jamaica, I told her that our relationship will have to come to an end. But my two daughters told me that I should forgive her because she was only trying to help herself and she is taking care of the place. Any man would like her because she is a good cook. As I said, she works three days with me and three days somewhere else. This is not her permanent address; she lives with her cousin. But now that she and I are dealing, she wants to give up the room she rented from her cousin.

All these things I discussed with my daughters and they are supporting her and telling me not to break up with her. I want your advice. She wants to know how much a lawyer would charge her to get a divorce and whether I would marry her.

T.

Dear T.,

It is unfortunate that this woman did not tell you the truth from the time she showed interest in you. I am sorry to know that your wife passed on. This woman came to you as a day's worker and she saw an opportunity to 'capture' you, so to speak. She washes, cooks and cleans and from what you said, she did the 'extra things'. You got extremely excited because since your wife died, you have had to pay prostitutes for these favours.

I believe that this woman should be forgiven. She has been away from her husband for the past five years. I doubt that she still considers him her husband. Legally, he is but there is nothing there. Your daughters have told you not to let this woman leave. They are happy that she is taking care of you.

The question in my mind is this: Are you the only man that she has got sexually involved with? And are you the only man she is involved with now? If you believe that she is speaking the truth and that she wants to cut ties with her husband in Jamaica, I suggest that both of you should go to see a family counsellor and discuss the matter. From there, she should see a lawyer concerning a divorce. You may have to make up your mind, if you want to stay with this woman, to help her pay for the divorce.

Maybe I have said too much but think about it. I am glad you have a wonderful relationship with your daughters. They want the best for you. No more prostitutes. If you love this woman, she can be of great help to you. I hope I am not misleading you in any way.

Pastor