My man is a mama’s boy - ... and he refuses to go back to school

Dear Pastor,

I am 38 years old and I have found myself in love with a guy who is 29 years old. I am the mother of two children, but he does not have any. The father of my children is supporting them, but we broke up because he was abusive. Not only did he hit me, but he used to also curse before the children and used expletives. Whenever I objected to that, he used to say no word is bad.

His parents are business people and I found out that his father used to abuse his mother when he was growing up. So, he saw that and he felt that I would accept that from him. I could say one good thing about him: he gives me enough to support his children. And whenever he wants to see them, I allow him to pick them up. I explained everything to my present boyfriend and he understands that.

MY PROBLEM

My problem is that this guy that I am with now tells his mother everything. Some people may call him a mama's boy. He is not the only child for his mother, but he is her only son. She constantly reminds me to take care of him.

I have been trying to get him to go back to school, but he is not showing any interest in that. He says that his trade can take him through life, so he does not need an education. I like his people. I am not sure his mother likes me. Since he has been living with me, he pulls his weight. He is not a burden to me. My children call him uncle and they call their biological father daddy.

My present boyfriend cannot speak proper English. How can I get him to agree to go back to school?

M.

Dear M.,

As I see it, even if a man is a businessman and his business is doing well, he should try to get an education. I am sure that you are not trying to embarrass your boyfriend. You did not say whether you love him, but I am assuming that you do. If this man doesn't want to go back to school, you can teach him at home. Many women have taught their husband's basic subjects. You have to get your boyfriend to understand that people may get turned off if he does not speak standard English, and children learn from their parents.

There is a place for Patios, but it is well known that children who hear their parents speak in standard English do much better in school than those who grow up speaking Patios all the time. Of course, some may not agree. Patios is a very beautiful dialect and there is a place for it. Educated people who know how to use it have been able to get their messages over to the 'common man' very well. We see that in some of our educated political leaders and others.

Go easy on this man, but try and get him to go back to school. Although he claims that he has his trade, insist that he goes to school and get certified in the area of work that he does.

Pastor