Think the neighbour wants my husband

Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you and your staff. I am a regular reader of your column; and when I can keep up at nights, I listen to your show. I wish the show was longer because some of us 'sleep and wake', and by the time we wake, you are signing off.

I have a matter I would like to bring to your attention, and ask you for your advice. I have been married for four years. My husband and I have two children. We used to live in a bad area, but we purchased a house in a much nicer community. Since we moved here, my husband has become friendly with one of our neighbours. She is not married and she doesn't have children, but she is working. My husband says that the house is hers.

This woman has taken set on my husband. Everything she wants to be done on her house, she calls him. If he comes home at 6'o clock and she wants plumbing to be done, she calls on him. I asked him 'What is happening? Doesn't this woman know that you are married? And since when have you become a plumber'? He does not say no to this woman.

One Saturday, she had a problem and she asked him to come over and help her. He went and when he returned, he brought a plate of fried fish. He said the woman gave it to him. I told him he and the children could eat it, but I didn't want any. My husband cursed and called me a fool. I didn't eat a piece of it. The children had my share.

Pastor, I am not a fool. My husband is a man and I know what he is 'carrying'. I would not be surprised if he uses what he is carrying. I have never had any problem with my husband and other women. But I see this woman in shorts watering her plants, and I just feel that she is advertising herself.

I told my husband that I don't have any problem with him helping her, but she is calling him too often. He said that I can go with him if I believe that he is having an affair. I am not saying that he is having an affair, but he is going so often that it can lead to an affair. Do you think I was wrong to talk to my husband about going there often? Should I tell this woman that when she has problem with plumbing or other things, she should call the plumber or carpenter? When I talk to my husband about her, he laughs and says that I am stupid and jealous.

L.G.

Dear L.G.,

First of all, I want to congratulate you and your husband for purchasing a home. As I see it, your husband is not doing anything wrong. Your neighbour has got to know both of you and she calls upon him to assist her with little repairs in her house. He is happy to do so. You don't know your husband to be a bad man. Going to this woman's house and assisting her will not necessarily cause him to get intimate with her. Face the facts, madam, you are jealous. And you are scared that this woman will inveigle your husband and he will become sexually involved with her. But that doesn't have to happen at all.

The woman gave your husband fried fish and you refused to eat any of it. I wonder if you believe that this woman was trying to tie your husband by giving him the fish. Perhaps you believe that women tie men with food. It is said that women use stew peas, but this was fish. You have to learn to trust your husband. He suggested that the next time this woman asks him to do something at her house, you should go with him. I believe that you should.

In the meantime, please allow your husband to be helpful in the neighbourhood. You might need help from others in the future. Please bear that in mind.

Pastor