Think I am a sex addict

Dear Pastor,

I am in my mid-40s and I need help. I was talking to some of my friends. We are all in the same age group and I found out that they are having similar problems.

So we decided that we would ask you for your advice. I have always been told that life begins at 40, but I did not know that that included sex.

Pastor, I started to have sex when I was in my late teens. I lost my virginity at 18 but my friendship with that guy only lasted a year. He was a 'run up and down' person and I couldn't deal with that, so we broke up. I had a couple of other guys in my life but they were not serious.

When I was 27, I got married to a man who was 30. My purpose for marrying him was to go to America. That relationship didn't last long because I found out that he was married and had two children. I decided that I could not bother with these men, so I had different boyfriends, including married men. Whenever I met a man, I wouldn't ask him whether or not he was married. I just wanted to have a good time.

One day, my boyfriend beat me and my father almost got himself into trouble. The guy came to my house and saw another man there. He said the guy was sitting too close to me. We were not hugging or kissing. When the guy left, he gave me a beating. My father was determined to find him and give him a thrashing, but for weeks he disappeared. I moved back into my father's house for his protection and I went out with girls instead of men.

My downfall is that I always love men. The older I get, Pastor, is the more I love men and the more I want to have sex. Some of my friends tell me that they are having the same problem.

I am going to church now but this urge for men is very strong. I do not have children and I will not accept an offer to get married again. All I want from a man is his love and commitment to me.

My mother said that I am going to need a man the older I get. She and my father are very happy together. So what is really wrong with me why I have this desire? Am I sick? I am looking forward to your advice. Why is it that I want sex at my age? I was told that some women lose the desire for sex when they are middle-aged, but it is not so with me. Please answer my letter.

C.R.

Dear C.R.,

I probably would not be able to answer all your questions. But one thing I do know for sure is that a woman's body does not go dead when she gets to age 40.

If a woman keeps herself in shape, her husband might not be able to keep up with her in the bedroom. A woman may not want to have sexual intercourse all the time. What she might be looking for from a man is good romance. Comedian Billy Crystal once said, "Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place". Women who have gone through menopause enjoy sex more than those who have not, because they are not fearful about getting pregnant and they don't think of using any type of birth control.

I suggest that you and your girlfriends share thoughts regularly and take time to talk to Christian counsellors as you face these struggles. Remember, it is not a sin to have temptations but yielding to them is ungodly. I believe that you should not totally reject men. So if a good man comes your way, consider him. He might just be the one to make you happy until death.

Pastor