My wife no longer likes to have sex

Dear Pastor,

I have been married for 12 years. I have two children with my wife. I have been getting tired of my marriage life. It's the same old routine. I get up, go to work and come home.

My wife used to meet me at the door when we got married but she doesn't do that anymore. I have to be asking her for everything. She is like a dead log in the bed.

When I try to make love to her, she says she can't be bothered and she feels stressed. Nothing is really going on. She wears the same long nighties that she has had for years. I don't have a desire to go home early. There is only one style my wife knows and that is the missionary style. I have to work myself to death. Lovemaking is not enjoyable anymore.

Now Pastor, what can I do to change the situation? She told me that nothing is bothering her. But her behaviour is bothering me. How can a woman be in bed and lap her legs and her husband has to be fighting to tear them apart? Isn't something wrong?

I never used to curse bad words, but of late I have to be telling my wife some serious bad words when I know the children are asleep and can't hear me. I hope you can tell me something that I can do that can change the situation and not cause me to head to the street.

S.T.

Dear S.T.,

What you are trying to say is that your wife is not showing you any affection at all and this marriage is heading in the wrong direction. The relationship is dying.

There is no hugging and kissing and no good communication. How can your wife expect you to accept that sort of behaviour?

I think it is time for both of you to seek professional help. It is time for your wife to throw away her long nighties and to tell you that she loves you at least 25 times when you come home from work. But I also suggest that you should start dating your wife again. Take her out every Friday or Saturday to somewhere new. It doesn't have to be an expensive place, just go somewhere. Do something nice for your wife every week. The bedroom is not the only place couples can have fun. So choose different places in the house or in the yard. Don't forget to thank your wife when she does something that you really appreciate.

If you have tried many things and nothing is working, call a counsellor and make an appointment to meet with him or her. And, when you go, try not to condemn your wife. Instead, ask the counsellor for suggestions on how your wife and yourself can get along better.

Pastor