Can’t survive if my boyfriend goes away to study

Dear Pastor,

I am living with a man and this is the first time that I have done that. From the time I was a little girl, I have tried to be independent.

It was my mother who taught me to take care of myself. When I was 14, I had my first kiss. I didn't kiss a guy again until I was 16. At the age of 18, when I graduated, I had sex with one of my schoolmates. That was a good, romantic feeling. My partner was very tender and told me what I needed to hear. He said that I was lovely and we should stay together and eventually get married. Both of us went to university and now both of us have first degrees. But I am worried because this special man in my life is hoping to further his studies abroad and I cannot see myself doing without him. He told me that I should not worry because he will never leave me. But men have told girls that same thing and left them. My folks love my boyfriend.

There is another guy who is interested in me but I am not interested in him because I don't love him. I have a very good friend and she told me that I should not fret because if my boyfriend goes away and finds another woman, I am a pretty girl and I can always find a man in Jamaica. That was the worst thing she could have told me.

The time is coming up for my boyfriend to leave and I am having some crazy thoughts. I have been offered a job but I refused to accept it because I want to travel with my boyfriend.

Why doesn't my boyfriend want me to accompany him? He is planning to live with his sister for a couple of months and then get his own place. I can deal with that. Please tell me you support me in my plans. If you encourage me to stay in Jamaica, I will stop reading your column because that would mean you don't mean me any good.

My parents don't know about my plans to go abroad with my boyfriend. I can't live without him. Life would be so hard in every way without having this man around. Do I sound as if I am crazy? My girlfriend thinks that I am. Please tell me I am not crazy.

C.S.

Dear C.S.,

You might not be crazy but you are so obsessed with this man that you are not thinking right. I believe that you genuinely love this man but you need to give him time to go back to school and to do post-grad work.

You will be able to join him when the time is right. So even if you were to stop reading the Tell Me Pastor column for a while, I have to tell you the truth. You are not thinking right.

I suggest that you free up this man. Let him know that you trust him and although you are going to miss him, you believe that you will survive. I further suggest that you try to go into a study programme here in Jamaica while he is doing his studies abroad. So both of you will be studying at the same time and you will be able to deal with the separation much better. Going abroad with him would be very stressful, so perish that thought and try to get into a post-grad programme here in Jamaica.

Pastor