My husband does not believe in foreplay

Dear Pastor,

I am in my late 30s and this is my second marriage. My husband is five years younger than I am. We are Christians. My husband is a good Christian but he loves lots of sex.

If I allow him, he would have sex with me two or three times for the night. He is never tired when it comes to sex. My husband does not believe in foreplay. He is always in a hurry to go right into sex and his excuse is that he has to work so hard during the day that we should use the time that we get for sex and get it over with. I am not accustomed to that.

When we were going to counselling, the counsellor reminded us that foreplay was very important and we needed to prepare each other for the act. But my husband is impatient. Whenever he comes on me, he is in such a hurry. He does his thing and he discharges in me and I am left high and dry because he rolls over and goes to sleep. Sometimes I even cry.

I know this is not right but I am going to tell you. I think about guys who I have had in the past that spent time with me and were not in a hurry to penetrate me. What can I do with my husband? He meets my needs in every other way. He provides for me, pays all the bills, takes care of my car, etc. But he doesn't have any patience when it comes to sex.

When we got married, I thought he would get tired and burn himself out but I was wrong. He is never too tired to have sex.

E.S.

Dear E.S.,

I think what you are trying to say is that your husband is not romantic. There are women who are just like your husband. Some women don't like to be touched up, they don't like to be pampered, they don't believe in foreplay.

An educated woman once told me that when it comes to sex, if that's what her man wants, just do it and finish with it. No playing around, not too much hugging and kissing, let's just have sex. Your husband might not be as bad as this woman. He wants to have sex and he cannot allow himself too much time for foreplay. You have to learn to slow him down. You can assure him that you are not running away and that you are going to be with him for the rest of the evening. I believe that what you can do is to tell your husband to have a good rest and make love after spending some time sleeping. He will be refreshed. He ought to learn that making love with him is not enjoyable, and which man does not want to satisfy his woman?

Think of different ways you can slow this man down. Maybe you should even consult a sex therapist for suggestions.

Pastor