In love with my sugar daddy

Dear Pastor,

I am 16 and I am having a problem with my father. He has nine children and I am the youngest. He accepted all his children as his except his last two, my brother and myself.

We grew up in a split family, and you can call it dysfunctional. Some of us grew up with our grandmother, or our aunt and so on. My father used to tell people that he supported us, but when I turned 13, I realised that my mother was the one carrying the load and my uncle, who lives in Philadelphia, used to send her money to help her.

My father would say all types of dirty things about my mother but she did not reply. Recently my father told me a bad word on the phone because I needed some help and called him. He said he was not giving any girl pickney money and that he heard that I had a boyfriend so he should give me the money. It is true that I have a boyfriend. He is more than twice my age. He is a businessman. But if my father was supporting me I wouldn't have to go with such a big man. Nobody would stop me from loving him. He lives with his grandmother and he takes good care of her. She calls me her granddaughter.

My mother knows that we are friends. One day he called her and told her that I wasn't coming home, but she didn't need to fret. He has five children that he said he knows about. I told him that I want to go to college and he plans to see to it that I get there. When I first met him, I loved him as a father, but now I love him as a lover and I see my future in him. Now I understand why many young girls go for older men. I have everything to my comfort. I don't have to go home but I do. I can't tell when I last took the bus.

Some of the girls at my school ask me how I am so fortunate to have this man as my boyfriend. They don't know his age but they know he is a big man. When he comes to pick me up from school, he does not drive in on the compound. He stays on the road and texts me. Sometimes he sends a taxi for me. I hope you do not think I am a bad girl; I am not.

I hate my father. I don't want to have anything to do with him because he has abused my mother. Before I got involved with my boyfriend, I heard my father curse my mother and he told her that she should go and sit down because he didn't want her any more. I don't have to ask my father for anything because my boyfriend gives me everything.

Sometimes I wonder whether he will continue to treat me this way. I will be 17 soon. Whenever he takes me anywhere, he hides my identity. I never had the pleasure of shopping. But now we will sit down and make a list and he will take me to the supermarket and I feel boasy taking up the items and going up to the cashier while he is behind me.

What do you think of this relationship?

Initials Withheld

Dear Writer,

You did not say how you met this man and whether this man is married and what has happened to his wife. This is information that you have left out. When he met you he treated you as a daughter. And like so many mothers, yours did not object to the relationship. I am sure she had her concerns but she was aware that this man would support you.

Your case has reminded me about a young girl I knew who got involved with a man who was by far her senior. She was a teenager too and he had children. She took on the responsibility that all his children were supported. That man eventually married the young girl. He promised that he would stay with her but he did not. He was like a prowler, always seeking prey. He eventually divorced this young girl and moved on.

Some people may say that I shouldn't raise the matter with you. But I have said it because I want to put you on your guard. Right now everything is going well but please remain focused. Your aim is to attend university, keep that before you every day of your life. You ought to be thankful for what this man has done for you. But you have a long way ahead of you. You are getting along well with this man's grandmother. Whenever you feel depressed, talk to her about it. And young one, feel free to contact me any time. That is all for now.

Pastor