Daughter caught us in the act

Dear Pastor,

I am 29 and I have two daughters. I am not yet married, but I am living with my babyfather. He tries to support our girls. Both of us are working, but I work part-time.

My girls like to sleep with us although they have their own room and their own bed. Our older daughter is very smart. I told their father that he should not try to have sex with me when the children are in bed with us. He agreed, but he keeps doing it.

My older daughter saw her father giving me oral sex and told her sister what she saw. I was not even aware that he was doing it until my younger daughter asked me about it. I chased her away. She said it was her older sister who told her what she saw. As soon as my babyfather got home, I told him what our daughter said and he took his belt and was about to beat the girls. I had to jump between him and them and asked him whether he was going crazy. He said they didn't see anything like that and I asked the older daughter "Did you see daddy doing that to me?" and she said "Yes, mommy." I told them that anything he was doing to me was to help me, but they should not tell anybody that, and they should stay in their beds at night.

I went into my room and cried. When the children sleep in our bed, they sleep between the both of us. So for him to do that to me means that he had to move the children. Sometimes when he is doing that to me, I fall asleep, and I don't know what is going on. He is a good father. He takes care of his children. We are not in need of anything. The girls are going to private school.

I don't go to church, but I see to it that the children do. I am wondering if I should take them for counselling because of what they saw. I asked my babyfather if he would go with us and he refused. He said I want to go because I have money to waste. I am hoping to have enough to buy a house from the National Housing Trust. When I got really angry with my babyfather about his behaviour, he said I was the one who first introduced him to it so I should not curse him. I want to hear from you whether I should allow him to beat the children and ban them totally from our room.

R.P.

Dear R.P.

You know from experience that some children love to sleep with their parents, and I suppose that allowing the children to do that was to prevent any temptation to have sexual intercourse. Their father disappointed you by having oral sex with you while you were sleeping. He should have resisted the temptation to have any form of sex with you. He is a very careless man. Whatever he might say, your older daughter saw him doing something and she felt that she should tell her sister. He is denying what she said, but what reason would she have to lie about her father doing so?

I am glad you did not allow him to spank the children. You seem to feel that what your daughter saw and told her sister about would affect them. I believe that you should take time to explain to the girls that their father was not trying to harm you in any way, but there are some things that parents do in their bedroom that should not be talked about outside. And it should not be practised between the children themselves. Tell them that any question that they have to ask, they should come to you and discuss it. However, if you think that a counsellor would help the situation, you may do so. But I am not suggesting that at the moment.

Pastor