Trying hard not to get pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am almost 20 years old, and this is my first year at university. My boyfriend is assisting me to attend school. He is living at home, and I am also at home with my people.

But sometimes I spend weekends with him. We have privacy. He has his own section of the house. When I go there, I cook. That is the only thing I have to share when I go there. My boyfriend is 30 years old. Some of my friends have told me that he is too old for me, but I love him very much. I had a boyfriend before I met him, but he was not serious about life. I became involved with this man when he stopped and offered me a ride on a rainy afternoon and I found him to be very 'conscious'. He told me that he didn't have a girlfriend, and I found out that he was speaking the truth.

Sometimes I hear my boyfriend and his sister arguing and he would like me to join in the argument. But I tell him no, I don't want to get involved in family problems. My boyfriend told me that I should stand up for him when they are talking about family business and the paying of electricity bills. He said that sometimes they take advantage of him because he is soft. His two sisters are working, so their contribution to running the home should be better than what they give. They don't know that he is assisting me with university. He tries to keep his side of the house clean. When I go there, the only thing I have to do is to change the sheets. I don't have to look around to see if any other women came there. I know his folks wouldn't want him to bring me there and to take others there also.

My folks know that I spend weekends with him. My mother is always warning me not to have unprotected sex. I told her that she doesn't need to worry about that because I wouldn't allow him to get me pregnant. When I first met him and we started to have sex, he told me that he did not like to use the condom and he would withdraw when it was time for him to ejaculate. I told him I was 19, and I would not go further with the relationship. I withdrew totally from him. So he bought the condoms, and that is what we have been using. I would love to be an educator. I am working hard, and I want my parents to be proud of me.

K.E.

Dear K.E.,

I will not mention the name of the university you are attending, but you seem to have a very helpful boyfriend, and he is playing a big role in your life. You are not fooling your parents. You are still living at home, but they know that on certain weekends, you are at your boyfriend's house. You are a very wise young woman.

Whenever your boyfriend is having an argument with his siblings, you do not get involved. Your boyfriend wants you to come into the argument because he believes that you are a part of the family. But you are wise to stay out. I hope that the love you have for each other will grow. I hope you will continue to protect yourself from getting pregnant. I need not tell you that this guy and you shouldn't be having sex. You would just laugh at me. But I can exhort you to be careful.

Pastor