Boyfriend cheating with his business partner

Dear Pastor,

I am a working woman and a few years ago I was able to buy a one-bedroom apartment. My parents have two of us so my brother and I are very close. He is married and he has three children. I confide in him and I trust his judgement. I don't have children.

When I was a little girl, I used to tell myself that I would love to be married by age 21. At that age, I had a boyfriend, but he had other women. He always denied it, but I saw evidence on his phone. I had a couple of other guys in my life. One was a doctor but he used to behave as if he was better than I was and he was very proud. I could not deal with him. I went back to school and did my master's degree. Now I am dating a man who is much older than I am. But sometimes a week will pass and we don't talk. If I don't call him, he does not call me.

OUT OF CHARACTER

In September, I did something out of character. I had not seen or heard anything from him. So I went to his apartment. It was about 11 p.m. I saw his car in the driveway and another car was there that I recognised. It was a good friend of his. She is a business partner. He has told me that this woman loved him, but he didn't love her. I sat in my car and the lights in his room went off. About half an hour after the lights went off, I called him and asked him to come over. He said he was very tired and he had gone to bed. I told him OK. I sat in my car for about two hours and the woman was still with him.

The following day I called the woman at her office and I asked her if she was having a relationship with this man and she said they are in business together. Then I called my boyfriend and asked him if he read a note that I left on his car. I wrote a note saying that I was at his house and I knew he had a woman with him, so we should meet and talk. He did not call me back. I don't know what to do with myself. My brother told me to leave him alone, but it is very hard to do. What kind of advice would you give to me?

R.A.

Dear R.A.,

When this man was not speaking to you often, you should have realised that he had lost interest in you. How could a man have a girlfriend and not talk to her for about a week or two?

How could the only time he communicates be when the girl calls him? That should have told you that this man had other interests. No man can be so busy that he can't talk to his girlfriend or make time to see her.

I want to congratulate you for not making a scene at his house. You felt that you had to go and check him out and you saw the woman's car in his driveway. You were there until the lights in his bedroom went off. You left a note on his car. You called him and he said he was tired. You did the proper thing, you went home. He cannot deny now that there is another woman in his life. Move on with your life. If he is interested in you, he will beg your pardon. He will tell you that he loves you, but he has been playing around with this other woman.

The questions are: Are you willing to continue dating this man? Do you love him enough to forgive him for lying to you? What do you want to get out of this relationship? And what does he want? You have left a note that he should call you and he has not done so, maybe he is ashamed and maybe not calling you is his way of saying he is not interested any more. If he is not interested you should hear that from him, so call him again. And make sure you don't get involved with any man so that he cannot use that as an excuse for not calling you. Please do not talk with this woman whom you suspect is having a relationship with him. Deal with him and not with her.

Pastor