Spouse thinks I’m cheating with the caregiver

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am in my 50s. I was never married. I have five children, but only one is living with me. The others are with their mothers.

I have tried to support these children, but not all of them show an interest in me. I am living with a woman, but she doesn't do anything for me. I know she is here because of what she can get. I have a nice three-bedroom house. This woman and I have been together for 10 years. My mother is now in her 70s and I took my mother to live with us, and my woman is not pleased.

I have a nurse who comes in every day to take care of my mother. I don't know my father. I am in a position to help my mother. I worked with the government and I did not waste my money. I don't have any children with this woman. She told me that I should find a place to put my mother because I can afford it. I was so annoyed. I told her that she should find a place to go because I will not put my mother into a nursing home when I have space for her. I don't even ask this woman to make my mother a cup of tea. Whenever I come home, I make sure that she is comfortable. She is very alert.

I have a sister who lives in New York and she sends me money to help with my mother. I think part of the big problem I am having right now is that my woman sees the nurse as a threat. But this young woman has her man and I am not interested in her. I have only asked her to sleep over a couple of times because my mother was not feeling well and I had to go to rural Jamaica on business.

My woman said that I was paying the nurse too much, and if I put my mother in a nursing home, I will save money. Nothing is too great for me to spend to take care of my mother. I could never marry this woman. I don't trust her any more. Sometimes I wonder whether I should stop eating from her. I asked her why she is staying if she is not happy with me. She told me I would have to use a bulldozer to get her out and it is because I have plans why I want her out. She said that the nurse is taking over and I am only using my mother as a pass.

My mother was not feeling well and I asked the nurse to stay. She slept in the other room that is next to my mother. I slept in the living room on the couch. I don't ask this woman to contribute to anything. I give her money every week to go to the market. I don't want to chase her away, but she would have to realise that my mother is my mother and I am responsible for her. I am not giving her anything from this house. This place cost me a lot to build and it is for my children. I want to come home every day and see my mother here and I want to know that she is comfortable. What do you think I should do?

C.P.

Dear C.P.,

I suggest that you discuss this problem with a lawyer. I believe that this woman sees the nurse as a threat to her. You know that the nurse is not, but your woman is jealous.

She doesn't want to see you become close to any other female, especially one who is in the house every day. There are many good senior citizens' homes, but you have chosen to let your mother live with you. Your so-called woman should be glad to know that you are the type of man who would take care of his mother even in her senior years. I can understand how unhappy you are. Don't do anything foolish like throwing this woman's belongings out. I repeat, discuss your problems with a lawyer and do so soon. I wish you well.

Pastor