I don’t intend to live with any man

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and I was living with my boyfriend for two years. We broke up because he was disrespectful and he would say anything to me in front of his friends.

I spoke to him many times about it but he did not apologise. He called me barren because he never got me pregnant. I was always protecting myself.

One day we got into a fight and the following day I could not go to work. I called a friend and when she saw that my face was swollen, she told me to report him to the police. But I was afraid. She helped me pack and I went back to my parents' home. My boyfriend had nothing in the house. I owned everything. My boyfriend begged me to come back but I refused. When I felt better, I went back to the house. My brother accompanied me and I took the bed and the refrigerator. My brother told me to leave the stove. I was still paying for the dining table so I left that also.

I don't intend to live with any man. I have learned my lesson. Since I left, I have had three other relationships, but none of them worked out. All these guys just wanted to use me.

My father told me that he was disappointed in me for living with this guy, so I should build a house on part of the land that he gave me. My father did not marry my mother and my stepmother doesn't love me. I am trying to get a job in America. Since I have returned home, my stepmother is always throwing words and she told my father that I was a big woman so I should be living on my own. I am hoping to work in America and send money to my father to build my house on the piece of land he gave me.

The man I used to live with owes me $300,000. I lent him that money to buy a car. He said he is not repaying me because it was not a loan, it was a gift. I cannot trust men.

My ex-boyfriend called me and told me that he was sorry for hitting me and that he would never do it again, and I should come home. But I am not going back. I don't trust him. How can I get him to give me back my money? He knows that it was a loan, but he is holding on to the money to get me to come back. I need your advice.

E.F.

Dear E.F.,

This man should have been reported to the police and arrested. He should have done jail time for physically abusing you. I believe you thought when you met him that you would have been able to change him.

He was disrespectful to you from the very start of the relationship and when you realised that he did not have any respect for you, you should have ended it. He was a user. He had nothing, not even the bed on which both of you slept. All the furniture belonged to you.

Your brother told you not to take away the stove. But as I see it, he didn't deserve to have anything. Concerning the loan that you gave him, it does not appear as if he signed anything, so he can always deny that what you gave him was a loan. A good man would make arrangements to pay you back, but he is not a good man and you might not be able to prove that it was a loan. However, you may still try to get the money back. Perhaps you should see a lawyer who can write to him and see whether you can get him to agree to repay you.

Your father has offered you a piece of land and is encouraging you to build on it. Encourage your father to subdivide the land and to cut off the piece and give it to you. That should be legally done. A real estate lawyer can advise you in that matter. Your stepmother does not like you, but she would not be able to prevent your father from giving you a piece of his property. I wish you well. Don't be in a hurry to get into another relationship. Check out these men very well before you become intimate with any of them.

Pastor