I am 65 and in love with 25-year-old driver

Dear Pastor,

I was married, but my husband died five years ago. I am 65. Since he died, I stopped working because I do not have to.

I am quite comfortable. We had three children and they are all adults and married. I am left alone in this big house. Some of my husband's male friends have tried to get me, but I never felt comfortable doing so. I know some of their wives very well. Sometimes I need help around the house, but I don't call them. Sometimes I get very lonely so I call my children and we talk.

I am writing to you because I have been admiring a 25-year-old man who is my driver. He has a girlfriend and I know her. This guy has manners and has never asked me for anything. He is not living with his girlfriend. One day I told him that I liked him. I asked him if he would come and stay with me sometimes; he said he would. He asked me if he could bring his girlfriend and I told him yes. He came with her one Friday evening and they stayed until Sunday. I don't know why I allowed him to bring her because I was jealous seeing them together. I love this young man very much so I told him that the next time, he should not bring his girlfriend. We have never gone to bed, but I have hinted that I would love for that to happen. He said that he loved me too, but I could be his mother. I called my lawyer and asked her to help me make my will. I want this guy to get a quarter acre of land that I have. I have not told my children. I do not know how people will react if I became involved with this young man.

My birthday is in December. I asked this young man to take me somewhere and he agreed. Although he has not asked me for anything, he said he would like to buy a car. I am thinking of purchasing one for him. Is it normal for a woman my age to want to have sex with such a young fellow?

I go to church, but I don't want anybody there. A couple of older single men are there, but I want this young man. Please try and understand what I am trying to say.

L.

Dear L.,

You are not an old woman, you are 65 and your body is not dead. You have pledged that you will not get emotionally involved with any of your husband's friends.

Perhaps you believe that you would be disrespecting his memory by having a relationship with any of them.

You are in love with your driver and you have been doing everything possible to win his love. You know that he has a girlfriend and you should have known that when you invited him to spend a weekend at your house and he brought her, that it would be difficult for you. I am sure that you do not want your children to know that you are having an intimate relationship with your driver. They will not be happy about that.

The young man respects you. He does not see you as a sexual partner. But I am sure that if you continue to push yourself on him, he is going to take up the challenge. So, what would you become in his life? Would you be his side chick? Would you fight to take him away from his girlfriend? Would you ask him to move in with you?

You should learn to take this man off your mind. Don't invite him to sleep at your house. He will lose respect for you if you have sex. Why put him in your will? Why would you give him a piece of land when he is not related to you? Why would you want to buy him a car? You are doing these things to win his love. I think you are playing with fire. If you push to get him, his girlfriend will find out and she will hate you and curse you. Your friends and relatives will talk. They will question why at your age you have given yourself over to this young man. You may say that is not their business. I know the decision is yours, but I cannot encourage you to do so.

You have much time on your hands so volunteer to help different organisations. Keeping yourself busy will prevent you from getting into trouble. I am not condemning you. Many women who have lost their husbands have become sexually involved with young men, who take great pleasure in using them. Sometimes they become very abusive to these older women. So, be careful.

Pastor