Back up boyfriend not treating me right

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 years old and I am facing problems. From I was 15, I had two boyfriends. I love both of them. When I was 16, I slept with one of them.

My mother thought that I was staying with one of my school friends for the night because she was having a little party for me at her house. This girl is my best friend. She bought a cake and we had pizza and non-alcoholic wine. One of my boyfriends took me to his house. He is 23 and he was living alone. My other boyfriend who is a policeman called me and I lied to him. He thought I was at home, so early the following morning I took the bus home. I know you will say that I am bad, but I am not bad.

My mother knows the policeman because he has dropped me at home and she has seen him. I told her that we are friends. He is always warning me not to have another man with him. He said that he knows young girls like me are smart. I always tell him that he would have other girls, but I am a one-man girl.

This man does not give me anything, but the other guy I had sex with gives me money. On Valentine's Day, the cop did not even call me and when I saw him, I asked him why and he said he was on duty and he would make it up to me. He is always pressuring me for sex. I told him that when I am older, we can discuss that. But I am not interested in having sex with him because he is not treating me well. My birthday was in August and he did not call me. But the other guy picked me up and gave me $10,000. He had to work, but he made time to see me. I want to leave the policeman, but he is the one my mother knows. I would like you to tell me what to do.

B.G.

Dear B.G.,

In the first place, you shouldn't have two boyfriends. You are only 17 years old. Even if you were older, it would be unwise to have two men in your life.

One of these men is pressuring you for sex and clearly he does not treat you well. I don't mean to imply that he should give you money, but he does not even call you on important days. He behaves as if he is very busy. But the truth is he might be using his workload as an excuse. But you are a smart young girl and you suspect he is not speaking the truth.

Your mother knows him, but she does not know the other man you slept with. Perhaps she thinks highly of this man who wears a uniform. You should stop trying to fool your mother. Let her know that you do not want to continue in a relationship with him. She will not insist that you do. If she asks why, tell her that on important days, he does not even call you and he is pressuring you for sex. I am sure that your mother will discourage you from continuing to have a relationship with him.

In the mean time, be very careful. You slept with the other guy, but don't be very comfortable with him. Remember, if you have unprotected sex with him, he may get you pregnant. Make sure you study hard and work towards a profession. Bye-bye.

Pastor