Embarrassed that dad asked about my sex life

Dear Pastor,

I was born in Jamaica, but I moved to America with my parents when I was a child.

My father drove trucks for many years, while my mother worked in a store. They have two of us, my sister and me. My parents were hard workers. Every opportunity my father had, he came home, and as children, we were so happy to see him. My parents encouraged us to study hard.

I heard one of my mother's friends asking her if she had ever been tempted to cheat on my father because he was hardly home and my mother said no, he was the best man she ever had and she was with him from age 19. While she was at work, my aunt kept us and she was a teacher, so she helped us with our school work. She took care of us as if we were her children. My father used to see to it that we had pocket money and that we saved.

When I was 17, I did something wrong and my father beat me. I could not believe it, but I hugged him, and told him I was sorry and I loved him. On Father's Day, my sister and I took him out for dinner and right there in front of my mother, he asked us if we had boyfriends. I was bold enough to tell him yes. I did not expect him to embarrass me by asking how far have we gone. I told him that we only kissed. Then my father asked what type of kiss it was and I bowed my head. I could not tell my father that we were French kissing.

My sister told him that she had never kissed a man. My mother said that was enough and we should change the conversation. But my father said he would like to walk us down the aisle as virgins, and the way things are going now with young people, not many girls are virgins. I told my father that my boyfriend has asked me for sex, but I did not agree, and he said I was a good girl. My sister remained quiet, but when we went home, she admitted to me that she had gone beyond kissing with her boyfriend.

I broke up with my first boyfriend because he was not ambitious. He could not keep a job and when I encouraged him to go back to school, he said he did not see the need to do it as lots of people who have done well did not finish college. My present boyfriend is finishing up university. My father said that he does not want any of us to marry men who do not have professions and if he had an education, he would not be driving trucks for such a long time.

My parents have given us every opportunity to do well. I am proud of them. My mother does not hide anything from us, and now that my sister and I are working, we are helping our parents to pay their mortgage. We would also like to buy a home in Jamaica, somewhere on the north coast.

V.E.

Dear V.E.,

I am very glad that your parents have done their best for your sister and you. I am also glad to hear that you think highly of your aunt who helped you with your school work.

Your father thinks highly of his family, and you have a good mother who has remained faithful to him. The trucking business is very stressful, and as you know, it takes the truckers away from their homes for long periods.

Your father asked you questions, not because he did not believe that you all are adults and you have a right to privacy, but because he wanted to know that none of you girls are allowing men to do what they please with you. He got personal, but he felt that as a father he should know what's happening in your lives.

I congratulate you and your sister for helping your parents financially. If you continue to help them pay the mortgage and help them to pay more than what is required monthly, the house will be fully paid for very soon. I hope that as a family, you will be able to purchase a beachfront home on the north coast. Thank you for your letter, may the good Lord bless your family.

Pastor