Embarrassed about my promiscuous past

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and I left my parents' home when I was 16. My mother used to have lots of men coming to her there.

A couple of times I heard a man beating my mother and accusing her of having sex with another man although he was supporting her. She told him that she couldn't take it anymore, so he shouldn't come back. He did not come back for about two weeks, but when he showed up, my mother received him as if nothing had happened.

I started to bounce from place to place, and I made money by selling myself. I learned from my mother to have older men. I tried younger men, but I was always disappointed in them. I lived with a man who could have been my grandfather. I was tired of the ghetto life.

This man had children who were older than I. They knew I was sleeping with him because we were all in the same house. I told him I wanted to go back to school, but he told me he couldn't help me with that I stayed with him for seven months. He taught me to cook.

One day I met another man. He said he was in his 30s. When I went home, I told the man I was living with about him. He told me I could go if that is what I wanted, but if I was not happy with the guy, I should come back. This guy told me he did not have a girlfriend or children. I went to live with him, but one day, a woman came and asked for him. She asked him who I was and he told her that I was a friend. She told me she was his babymother. I asked him, in front of the woman, why he lied about not having children. She told me that he has other children, so I went back to stay with the older man.

After that, I kept going from man to man.

One day I got a job in a store. The owner was married, but he told me he was in love with me. I learnt how to use the computer and how to operate the cash machine. The boss and I didn't get very far because he was married. He encouraged another man to have a relationship with me, and that man was single and living alone.

I went to live with this man, and I am still living with him. However, he is always questioning me about my past, and I can't tell him the truth because my past is not good. He told me that all his children are in the US with their mother. I love him, but I am afraid to tell him about my past.

He is helping me to go back to school. He is not afraid to go out with me, but I am always nervous because I am afraid that some of the guys I slept with would see me with him and call me.

I have never got pregnant, and this man told me that he does not want to get me pregnant because he doesn't want any more children. I lied and told him that I don't want to have any children. Honestly, I want to have at least one. I have cheated on every man I have met except this one because he takes good care of me.

Should I tell him the truth? Sometimes I want to, but I am afraid.

T

Dear T.,

Before I address the question about whether you should tell this man about your past, let me say that I hope you have settled down with this man. You said you have never cheated on him. I hope that you will not be tempted to do so. You wanted to go to school, and this man is sending you to school. He has children. So I am sure that he is making a sacrifice to send you to school.

You come from a rough background. You know what ghetto life is like. Your mother was not treated well by men. You heard a man beating your mother and yet she stayed with him. You know what it means to beat the streets and to sell sex.

I am glad that you had the courage to write to me and you know that I won't condemn you for your past. This man is always asking you about your past. You can tell him that you are too embarrassed to talk about it. You can also tell him that you have had different boyfriends, but you should not go into details. Tell him that you are not interested in hearing about his former girlfriends.

Please, don't tell this man whether you had 10 or 20 boyfriends, and he does not have to know that you used to sell sex on the street.

Make sure you don't waste time in school. Study hard and let me hear from you again.

Pastor