Fiancé loves to video us having sex

Dear Pastor,

I am 24 years old and if everything goes well, I will be getting married around Easter in 2023. My fiance is 30 years old. He does not have children, but he is very fortunate.

He told me that his previous girlfriend got pregnant, but lost the baby. He said it was a real slip-up why she got pregnant. They always used the condom, but it broke. I asked him why he did not encourage her to get the morning-after pill and he said that when he suggested that, she said they were going to get married, so if anything should happen, it's no big thing.

After she lost the baby, he could not console her; she cried for days. She was only 19 years old, and she joined her parents who are living in the US. He could not cope with the long-distance relationship; and then he met me and we fell in love. He is a real charmer, and he is living in his own place. It's a very comfortable apartment. It is only one bedroom, but I like it.

He is the first man who got me to take off all my clothes while the lights were on. His entire bedroom has mirrors all over the walls. The only place that does not have a mirror is where he has his television. Everywhere I turn in the bedroom I see myself. He likes when we make love and watch ourselves doing so. He also encouraged me to video us. He said it is only for our eyes. We have been fighting over that. Every position we do, he wants it on the video, and I am afraid. He showed me where he would keep the videos.

This man hardly takes no for an answer. I did it the first time and when I went back to the house, I looked for the video at the place he said he would keep it, but I did not see it. When I asked him for it, he said he had moved it and put it in a safer place. He is not supposed to have anybody else in his room. He said he didn't want to take the chance with the cleaning lady, as she might just find it and look at it. I wanted to believe him, but I had my doubts.

We are now engaged to be married, and I have asked him to remove some of these mirrors that he has in the bedroom. But he still has them there. I have got accustomed to seeing them. But when we are making love, I am so conscious about the mirrors; it is as if they are looking at me. How can I deal with this matter? He gets great fun in taping us. I laugh at some of the things we do, but I am afraid these videos may fall into the wrong hands, so please give me your opinion.

T.H.

Dear T.H.,

Let me begin by telling you that according to some sex therapists and psychologists, having mirrors in ones bedroom can enhance romance, and it is not unusual for some couples to video themselves when they are making love. Some couples think it's fun to do so, and they view them as part of their entertainment whenever they wish. Some say that mirrors help them to get excited, and it causes them to try new positions all the time. The couple's desire for each other never gets stale.

The mistake you made was that you agreed to allow him to video you, and now he does not want to stop. There is always a danger that someone may see the videos and use them against you, but I hope that this man will never cause anyone to embarrass you. I wish you well in the relationship. Take care of yourself. I hope your fiance will keep his word and marry you.

Pastor