Babyfather’s parents want me to change my child’s name

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 years old and I am married. I have two children, but only one for my husband. I grew up in an orderly home. I have always attended church.

From I was aware of myself, I have been going to Sunday school. When I was 12 years old, I was baptised, and I backslid when I was 16 and became pregnant at 17. I had to sit at the back bench for two years until I was restored into fellowship. The young man who got me pregnant said the child wasn't his because his friend was also having sex with me, which was true. I did entertain both of them and I regret doing so. I was so embarrassed when he told the bishop that the child couldn't be his because I had another man in my life.

My parents told me that I should not have anything to do with this man. My child is the dead stamp of him. Now, his parents want me to change the child's last name and put his name on the birth certificate. That I will not do. My husband treats the child as his very own, so we don't need anything from the father.

At the moment, I am attending teachers' college. My husband and I are active at another church. My husband, who is 30, serves as a deacon and I am an evangelist. My husband wants to become a pastor and I am encouraging him to do it. He is very good at giving exhortation and the people like to hear him. Sometimes things are very hard on us financially, but we try our best to cope. I have an aunt who helps me and she also loves my husband. She lives in Canada and whenever she comes to Jamaica, she stays with us. She is hoping that we will agree to migrate to Canada. We have not ruled that out. After graduation, we may seriously consider it.

I am looking forward to seeing my letter in THE STAR and your reply.

P.B.

Dear P.B.,

You made mistakes when you were growing up, but you are not alone. Many young people have done the same. Some have not learned from their mistakes, but you have.

You suffered embarrassment after you became pregnant. But, you turned your life around, you got married and now you are in college. You are young and you have many years ahead of you. I wish you the very best in college.

Your husband has accepted your first child as his very own. The child's biological father rejected him/her. Don't put yourself under any stress to get the child's name changed. Perhaps when he comes off age and would like to carry his father's name, something could be done at that time, but right now, accept things as they are.

Your aunt who lives in Canada is encouraging you to migrate. When you finish college, it might be a good time to leave Jamaica. But you should be absolutely sure that that would be the right decision.

Your husband wants to be a pastor; he should be prepared to commit himself to three or four years of study. He should try his best to get a bachelor's degree and then do post-graduate work after that. I wish both of you well. Take good care of the children and yourselves.

Pastor