My children don’t know I have a boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am a 60-year-old widow and I have two daughters and two sons. They are grown and live on their own. I have a male friend and we are in love.

Three of my children are married and they are living in England and Canada. My daughter wants me to come and live with her, but I do not want to leave Jamaica, and I do not want to go and live with any of my children.

This man is 65 and he has never been married. I told my children about him and they told me that I do not need a man in my life. But that is what they think. I do not like to sleep alone and sometimes I call this man to come over and stay with me. He likes to come, and sometimes when he does, he does not drive because he does not want anybody to see his car in my driveway. So he takes a taxi. The first weekend he stayed with me I felt guilty, because every time I look at my former husband's pictures, it as if he was looking at us. So I removed all his pictures from the wall.

When my daughter came to the house, she asked me why I moved all her father's pictures. I told her I was trying to get over him. She wanted to know why I would try to get over her father and he was a good husband and a good father. I could not tell her that it was because of the other man. This man doesn't want anything from me. He bought a three-bedroom house years ago and he has maintained it. He has good tenants. He added a kitchen and an extra bathroom. He said if we were to get married, he would rent out the entire house and live with me.

I am still working, but I don't have to. This man is working with a reputable organisation and he will get his pension. He would not have to depend on me. Whenever I don't see him, I miss him. Do you think it is too soon for me to marry again? I would like to introduce this man to my children. I am going to spend Christmas with my two sons and I want to take this man with me. Do you think that is appropriate to do?

S.M.

Dear S.M.,

I know a gentleman who was a politician in Jamaica. Six months after his wife died, he got married again and lots of people criticised him.

They cried shame on him for getting married again so soon. Some people even said that he had this woman as his side chick with his wife. Whether that was so or not, it did not go well with many Jamaicans.

Madam, you have to do what you know you should do. Your husband has been dead for three years. You feel the need to have a new man in your life. Your husband cannot come back. Your children need to understand that they cannot control your life. It is time for you to stop hiding this new man. So tell them about him and tell them what you feel you should do. Perhaps you should not take him to your sons for Christmas. But while you are with the children, you should tell them as much as possible about him.

Your daughter is not pleased because you removed all their father's pictures. You should not move them from their original position. You may pack them away, but please, make sure that you did not destroy them and that they are in a safe place.

You do not have to worry about whether three years is too soon to remarry. If you feel that three years is a long time to go without a man, so be it. You have the right to do something about it.

Pastor