Boyfriend wants proof that I am a woman

Dear Pastor,

I read your column every day online and I have decided that you are the right person to give me some advice. I am 18 and I am a Christian. I am living with my mother and my stepfather. Recently, my stepfather became a Christian and he goes to church, but not the same church that I attend. My mother is a security guard. She hardly goes to church, and she likes to curse. Whenever she and my stepfather have a disagreement, she curses him using expletives.

One day, my mother told my stepfather, in my presence, that he should go and do 'so and so' with his mother. He got very angry and threatened to beat her with a baseball bat. I had to get down on my knees and ask him not to beat my mother. Later on in the night, she apologised to my stepfather. He told her that she should be glad that I was there, otherwise he would have broken her bones and turned himself in to the police. My stepfather is a good man. He has never tried to be intimate with me, and we have been in the home for many nights alone. He is good with mathematics and has helped me with this subject. I can ask him any question on different subjects.

I have a boyfriend and my mother and stepfather have met him. He has a nice car, but my stepfather told me not to allow that to fool me. My boyfriend is 'girly'. He is always telling me that he wants to have sex with me, because he wants to prove whether I am a man or a woman. I told him that he has to take my word for it, and that our relationship is too young for me to strip or allow him to pull my underwear down. I told my stepfather what he said and he told me not to go out with him again, because a guy like that may try to rape me. When the guy called, I told him what my stepfather said. He said that my stepfather wants to have an affair with me, and that's why he does not want me to go out with him. I can say that that is not true. I have been living with my stepfather since I was 10 years old and he has never shown any sexual interest in me.

When I go into my room and close the door, I can be in there only in my underwear and my stepfather will never knock on the door. My mother caught me masturbating in my room and I was embarrassed, but I told her that I have been masturbating from I was about 13. She told my stepfather what she saw me doing and he told her that she should have knocked on the door before entering the room, and to remember that I am a big girl now. That was the end of the conversation.

P.L.

Dear P.L.,

I am glad to know that your stepfather respects you. You speak highly of him. He is a good man. Your mother is brawling and she has been disrespectful to your stepfather.

Had it not been for you, he might have given her a real thrashing after she used expletives and told him what he should go and do with his mother. I want you to know that many women have told their husbands the same thing. Men do not appreciate that kind of behaviour from their women. Your stepfather has been going to church. I hope that one day your mother will come to realise that she, too, needs to turn over her life to the Lord.

Concerning the gentleman who dated you, your stepfather gave you good advice. This young man is in a hurry to have sex with you. That is all he has in mind. You are not ready for that, so follow your stepfather's suggestion and drop him. Work hard. This young man doesn't have any respect for your stepfather. He is not the type of man you would be proud to have as your husband. Give him up; don't have anything more to do with him. He has a dirty heart and a dirty mouth.

Pastor