My boyfriend is a grinch

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 and I am having a problem. I have a boyfriend who is 24. We are living together. I had to leave home when I got pregnant.

My sister and I were sleeping on the same bed and when I got pregnant, it was difficult for her. So one day I packed up and told my mother that I was going to stay with my boyfriend because his grandmother told him that I could come and live with them.

Before I went to live with him, he treated me very well, but now he wants to rule me in every way. I am going to have the baby in February, so I told him I would spend Christmas with my parents because they are encouraging me to do so. I told him that he can come with me. He said he does not believe in Christmas, and when I have the baby, he doesn't want me to teach him about Christmas or to sing any Christmas songs in the child's ears because Christmas is a pagan holiday. It is pure foolishness he is talking. Where he is working, the company has Christmas party and he attended last year and wanted me to go with him. That was before I got pregnant.

I asked him for money to buy stuff for Christmas and he said whatever money he gives me would be for the house, but not to spend foolishly. If I sing a Christmas carol, he is offended. He does not eat pork, but he drinks sorrel. So I called him a hypocrite because sorrel is a traditional Christmas drink. Sometimes I wonder how I got mixed up with this man. I did not listen to my parents when they warned me about having a man who is not educated.

I have to give him what is due to him. He pays the rent on time and since we have been living together, he is paying for a new stove. He helps around the house and he encourages me to go to the clinic. But he says that I am worshipping a white Jesus and to observe Christmas is putting a white man over black people. I told him that he shouldn't take his Christmas bonus if he hates Christmas so much. I know he will be looking forward to his bonus and I am going to be very nice to him because I want half of it.

When he talks foolishness, I try not to answer him and then give him sex that makes him quiet. He loves to have sex, but if I ever mention church, he gets irate and talks about Selassie.

I am going back to school after I have the baby. My mother told me that she will keep my baby. Whenever I talk about going to school, my boyfriend says that I should wait until the baby is three. That is too long. Although I love this man, I don't see a future with him. What do you suggest that I do?

M.E.

Dear M.E.,

You have good parents. They are disappointed that you got pregnant, but they didn't put you out. You left on your own volition after you realised that you were inconveniencing your sister. Your mother did not condemn you and she is still willing to assist you in whatever way she can.

Christmas is a time where family meets together, so your parents are hoping for you to spend the Christmas at their house and an invitation was extended to your boyfriend. He said he does not believe in Christmas so he is not planning to go. I hope that he will come to his senses and go, but if he does not change his mind, make sure that you spend time with your family and enjoy your Christmas. You have grown up to observe Christmas, sing your carols among your family, eat and enjoy yourself. Even if your boyfriend thinks that Christmas is paganistic, he should learn to do things to please you and not to be disrespectful to the saviour in whom you believe.

Where did he get this idea that Jesus was white? I hear people say that all the time. But whether they are right or wrong, it does not change the fact that he is the saviour of mankind, and that everyone should rejoice at his birth and celebrate it in the best way we can. Go home for Christmas, and don't be afraid to eat a healthy meal. After you have given birth, try and go back to school. So it means that you have to be careful and not allow your boyfriend to get you pregnant again. I wish you well.

Pastor