Caught a side chick in my house

Dear Pastor,

Season's greetings to you and your staff. This is the first time I am writing to you, but I read your column every day, and I enjoy listening to your show.

I have a problem. It started some years ago before I got married. The man I fell in love with had other women, but I could not stop loving him. He was always promising that he would change. I always asked him what the other girls had that I didn't have. He could not give me an answer. He was just a wild man, but he was loving and kind. When he told me a lie, it sounded like truth; he would look me straight in my eyes and lie, and I would believe him.

When I complained about him to my parents, my father would say that I should be patient. My mother used to tell me that my father was a wild man, too. I married this man, believing that he would change. He stopped his promiscuous ways for a few months, but then he started to come home late. He said he was always working, but he was with other women.

He got a woman pregnant and when I told him that I was going to leave him, he cried like a baby. I decided that I was going to leave because I am a nurse and I got a job overseas. He couldn't deal with my going away. I made my plans and one day when he left for work, I flew out. I did not even tell my parents that I was going away. I only told one of my sisters, and to this day, he hates her because she took me to the airport.

My estranged husband keeps asking that I return. There is even a preacher, who is known to both of us, who has been trying to convince me to come back to Jamaica. He told me that my husband is a changed man. I asked him what proof he has and he told me he is always in church and has even testified.

One weekend I surprised him by coming home. Only the same sister who he despises knew that I was coming. I came on an afternoon flight and stayed with my sister, and at about 10 p.m. she took me home. I regretted not telling him because when I went to the house and knocked, the house was in darkness. My husband peeped out and saw my sister and asked what was she doing there. She told him that she was only there to talk to him. He said he had nothing to talk to her about. I then shouted out, 'Open the door!' He complied. He was wearing his boxers only. I have never seen a big man tremble so much. He was in there with one of his girlfriends. I went after the girl, but he held me. My sister told me not to get myself into trouble and that we should leave.

This was the man who said he was changed. I was prepared to give him another chance, but I won't; I hate him. Our two children are with my mother. It is Christmas and I would love to come to Jamaica, but I don't want to see this man. I blocked him from my phone. He called my mother and asked her to talk to me, but my mother knows that that is a waste of time.

Pastor, I am now dating a doctor and there is no turning back with me. I am going to marry him although he is from a different race. We are living together now and I have my blessing from my friends and the people I work with.

Do you think I have made the right decision? My children, I believe, will be better off leaving their father.

P.

Dear P.,

You gave your husband a long rope to hang himself and he could not see that his marriage would come to an end because of his foolish behaviour. I believe that you truly loved him and that you forgave him over and over. Your parents encouraged you to stay and to forgive him, and that is what you did. You could not take his behaviour any more, so you made your plans and left Jamaican. I believe that by your leaving, he felt that he could do anything he wanted because you could not see him.

You have not said whether you were faithful to him and when did you get involved with the doctor. Did you get involve with the doctor to punish your husband? Your husband blew up a good relationship. He was a clever liar, but you found out everything about him; and not only did you give him a rope to hang himself, but he will discover that he will never have a better woman than you in his life.

I hope that your present relationship will prove to be happy and successful. Make sure that whatever happens, your children are supported. Don't leave your children behind, and let them communicate with their father as often as possible. You have a duty to ensure that they get a good education.

I wish you well, madam. I am sure that you have your faults, but your husband behaved like a fool and destroyed his marriage.

Pastor