Babyfather is too jealous

Dear Pastor,

I am 22 and my boyfriend is 24. We get along well, but he is very jealous. He takes care of his children, and whatever I want and can't buy for myself, he gives me the money.

We live in a two-bedroom house, but sometimes he behaves as if I am a prisoner. I have to tell him wherever I am going, and he doesn't want too many of my friends to visit.

My mother and older siblings can come to the house anytime. But he does not want my former school friends around. He called my best friend a whore, and said he saved me from becoming one. We had a big fight over that. I forgave him because he apologised. No man has ever paid me for sex, and I can count on one hand the number of guys I have slept with. I started to have sex when I was 16. The guy was a bus driver who used to pick me up whenever he saw me at the bus stop.

When I met my children's father, I told him that I started to have sex at 16 and he told me I was a bad girl. I asked him what age he started to have sex and he said 13. So I told him he could not tell me anything. I stopped having sex with the bus man after I left school at age 17. My parents needed help to send me back to school, so I got involved with a taxi man who lived in my area. He told me that he always admired me. I knew his babymother, but I needed help, so I took the chance with him. He not only took me around for free, but he gave me lunch money and always bought fast food. The first time he asked me for sex I said no. He told me that I wanted him to move me around for free, but having sex was one way to repay him. I told him I was afraid of his babymother. He said she wouldn't know. I did not like having sex with him, so I ended the relationship. I had sex with another guy before I met my children's father.

My babyfather opened an account for us. He is saving to buy a house and I am working now, so we save together. When he is angry, he uses obscene language, even in front of the children. I don't know if he has cheated on me, but I have never cheated on him. My mother told me to make sure that I take good care of this man. He helps me in the house, and sometimes he helps me to wash the children's clothes. I can't deal with his jealousy, because I am not doing anything bad. He said he doesn't fully trust women. I am asking you for your advice.

E.

Dear E.,

It seems to me that you told this man too many things about yourself, so he took the liberty to insult you by declaring that had it not been for him, you would have been a whore.

That was not a good thing for him to tell you. Although it is not good for a girl to move from man to man, many young girls have sought the help of bus and taxi drivers. These men are always willing to transport girls without charging them, but their help comes with a heavy price. The girls may not even understand it right away, but the men always remind them.

You were young and you needed the help, so you yielded to the bus driver and the taxi man. Please forgive yourself for your mistakes. Now you have found yourself falling in love with this man who has given you two children. He is behaving as a saint, but he is not. He started to have sex when he was 13. Some men are proud to declare that they started to have sex at a tender age. But when a girl is involved with a male at a young age, they want to describe her as bad or call her a whore.

Your babyfather seems to be ambitious and he means you well, but he has to learn to trust you. I hope your joint account will grow. I also hope that both of you will eventually get married and buy a house together. I am so glad that you are working. Try not to have any more children, and please work on a career. If this man sees that you are faithful to him, his jealousy will not be as bad in the future. But he may not totally get over it. I wish both of you well.

Pastor