Planning to drop my side man

Dear Pastor,

I am 35 and I am at a crossroad; I need your honest opinion. I have been dating this young man for years. He lives in a different parish.

He is always working, so he doesn't find much time for me, but I try my best to work with it. After a few years, I told myself that I needed someone else because this relationship wasn't going anywhere, so I started dating another young man in my community. I didn't break off with the first guy. I had to go to see him whenever he found the time.

I started living with the man in my community. One day, my first boyfriend invited me out for lunch. He had planned that I was going to stay over, but he didn't tell me before I left my house, so I didn't prepare myself. I had told my second boyfriend that I was going out with some of my girlfriends and he was OK with that. That night, the first guy found out about my second guy, and he was so upset that he ended the relationship and took me home. For the first time, he knew where my gate was. I continued my relationship with the second guy, but all I could think about was the first guy, because there is where my heart really is. A few days passed, and he and I started talking again. We talked about what happened. I told him that the second guy and I fussed a lot, and sometimes we didn't even sleep in the same room.

Now the second guy is working overseas. We still argue in every conversation we have. He takes forever to send money to help with the bills, so I am not sure if I should end things with him or what. On the other side, my first guy is now living with someone else. But he now finds time for me, has started to support me, and helps out with my son's schooling. I am a single mom and I really love him. My son did not love the second guy. Pastor, I am confused. I don't want my child to grow up seeing me living a certain lifestyle. What am I to do?

A.R.

Dear A.R.,

You tried to two-time the first guy, but he found out that you had another man. You should try to keep one man at a time in your life.

The second guy has gone, and you want to hang on to this relationship because he is able to send you some money. Neither of these men will trust you. You should not have gone to live with the second guy, because you did not end the relationship with the first. Men don't like when women try to fool them. You are working, so learn to pay your own bills.

The first guy is now living with a woman, and although he talks to you, I doubt very much that he wants you back in his life. So don't waste your time trying to get him back.

Pastor