My daughter has a girlfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am a mother of one girl and a boy. My son is very respectful and hard-working. His father and I are very proud of him.

His father and I are not married, but no one would know that unless they have known us for a long time. He is a wonderful son and he wants to be a medical doctor. We have been encouraging him. Now that he does not need a guarantor to get a student loan, we are hoping that he will be able to purse his dreams. His sister does not show any interest in becoming a professional. She is all for the 'bling-bling'. Recently, she declared that she has a girlfriend, and when I say girlfriend, I am talking about a serious girlfriend. Her father did not want to accept what she was saying to us, but I told him to leave her alone. She has introduced this girl to us. This girl comes from a lovely home. But it is so painful to see that our daughter, who got the same training as our son, has turned out to be what she is today. It is really hard.

Her father does not fuss with her any more. She goes where she wants, but he tells her that she should be home by 11 p.m. We all agree that's a reasonable time for a girl to come home. She and her brother get along very well. They don't argue over her lifestyle. What is sad, Pastor, is that the girl is bright, but she is not for the books at all. We sent both our children to church, but this is what has happened. The boy is praying his way through. Sometimes when he sees how disappointed I am, he says, "Mommy come, let us pray."

A friend of mine told me that after my daughter turns 18, we should tell her to leave and live the way she wants to live. Her father agrees that that is what we should do. But I do not think that is the right thing for us to do. We are hoping that she will change. What suggestion would you make?

Mother

Dear Mother,

I keep reminding parents that they cannot choose for their children. Some parents would be happy with the decisions their children make, and some will not.

That would be true when they are under your roof and after they have left. One thing will follow your children whether or not they are living with you, and that one thing is prayer. Whether or not they are living with you, you can pray for them and hope that all will go well with them. I hope that your son, who wants to go into the medical field, will indeed be blessed, and that the same love you have for him you will also have for your daughter. You consider her to be rebellious, but if you show her love and treat her well, she may one day surprise you.

One day in my meditation, I was reading an account that a dear man made - he said he had a very rebellious son. A man and his wife were just driving along and talking, and they said that they had not been praying enough for their son. So they stopped the vehicle, pulled off to the side of the road and prayed for the boy. Instead of just talking and fussing over him, they decided to pray over him.

I was visiting a home in Georgia where my host told me that his son stopped listening to him and he asked his son to leave his house; he was of age. He said it was painful to put him out, but he did. Afterwards, the young man changed his life. Your daughter is only 17; don't even think of asking her to leave your house. But I repeat, she may change. Nothing is beyond prayer. I firmly believe in prayer.

I wish the family well. God be with you all.

Pastor