My boyfriend watches me like a hawk

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and I have been dating a man who is 21. I like him, but he is very controlling.

He doesn't give me a break, he wants to know where I am going and with whom. I asked him if he does not trust me. He said it does not have anything to do with trust, but he has to know where I am after I leave work. I do not question this man. There is no need for me to do so. He said he had a girlfriend and she used to lie a lot. When she should be home, she was out with other men, so he is not taking chances with women any more. He is a nice guy, but I don't believe I can put my confidence him. I have never cheated on him. I go to work, evening classes and then home. I want to go to UTech, so I am studying very hard. I am not playing around with any man.

My mother likes him and she is always warning me to stick with him. My father is dead, so my boyfriend takes care of me, and he always takes care of my mother. I appreciate what he does for her, because she is not doing well. Whenever he gives me money, he gives me an envelope to give to her. I would like him to trust me. When I look at the situation, I don't fuss any more because I know that some girls have lost good men because the men don't trust them. This man gives me $16,000 every two weeks for myself, and he sends at least $10,000 for my mother. When she has to go to the doctor, he pays the bill and fills her prescription.

But I almost broke up with him because he searched my phone and saw that a man had written to me. The man said that he loves me and he wants to know how long he would have to wait to get something from me. He asked me about it and I told him I didn't know who could have sent that message to me, but I knew who did. I was just afraid to talk the truth, so he slapped me and told me to speak the truth. It really hurt, but the guy and I were not having an affair. He saw me and liked me; I cannot prevent him from liking me.

I changed the password on my phone, and that made it worse. So I had to reset it because he believes that I was hiding something. We have made up, and we do not fuss any more. But I warned him that any day he puts his hands on me again, I will leave. He has promised to allow me to go out by myself if I inform him where I am going and with whom.

P.L.

Dear P.L.,

Your boyfriend should not give you the impression that he doesn't trust you, but on the other hand, you should not lie to him or go out without letting him know where you are going.

You have a right to know where he is going, and he has a right to know where you are going and when you are coming back. I am sorry to know that your mother is not well. Evidently, this man loves you and he is a great help to your mother. You should respect this man and not get into any unnecessary arguments with him. It is unfortunate that he slapped you. I don't encourage men to search the phones of their girlfriends. He told you why he searched your phone. But regardless of what he says, you have a right to privacy. Although his former girlfriend cheated on him, that does not give him the right to search your phone. I am glad that both of you have forgiven each other.

You have plans to go to university; study hard and pass all your exams. I wish you well. Take care of your mother also.

Pastor