I regret not moving to America

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you to get your advice on this matter. I am 30 years old and I am living with my children's father. He is a good father to his children but he does not show me much love.

When I look at myself now, I must conclude that I am being punished because I did not listen to my parents when I met this man.

My mother was very vocal. She told me I was making a mistake by choosing him and not going to live in the United States of America. She was adamant that I should focus on attending college there. The whole family was migrating but I was so much in love with this man, I told my parents that I was not interested in leaving with them.

My boyfriend told me that he did not want to lose me. I would say that this man tricked me. He took me to a jewellery store to look at rings and I showed him the rings that I would like to have. He told the owner of the store that he was going to come back and make a deposit on the rings but he never did.

When I asked him about it, he said he did not remember but he would go the next weekend. So, I told my mother that I was going to get married and I could always join them in America later. My mother told me that I was man-crazy and I was making a very big mistake.

I soon realised that I had missed my period and the doctor confirmed that I was pregnant. My father told me that I should follow my heart and, if my heart tells me, that I should stay in Jamaica and marry this man and raise my children. He said that he would not fight me over my decision.

This man and I eventually got married but, after he realised that my family left and I was on my own, he completely changed. He was no longer a sweet man to me. He bought a car, which I have had to maintain. He got another girl pregnant and she was not afraid to tell me that I should learn to share my man with her because she also has a child for him.

When I asked my husband why he got this girl pregnant and there is nothing is wrong with me, he told me that Solomon in the Bible had many wives and concubine. It was then I realised that I made a mistake by tying up myself with this man. I got pregnant for the second time. However, he accused me of getting pregnant by another man. He went as far as to say that the man who got me pregnant is the messenger for the company where I work. He said people in the company told him that I am very close to the messenger. I told him that we can do a DNA test to prove that he is the father of the two children. I have never told my parents what this man has accused me of.

To show you how much they do not care for this man, my parents left me in their house but, after they were away for one year, they asked us to leave. They refurbished the house and rented it. I offered to rent it from my parents but they refused to rent it to us. My parents are not even interested in filing for us again.

I spoke with an immigration officer and he said new applications would have to be made to get us to America. There are times when children should listen to their parents. I will always regret that I did not listen to mine when they encouraged me to migrate with them.

F.P.

Dear F.P.,

I am sure you would always regret not going abroad. People may criticise the United States of America. There are many things that they do in America that people in the Caribbean would not like. But, to many, it is still the greatest country. The USA is seen as the land of opportunity

You chose to get married to a man who has not proven to be wonderful at all. It is very sad that he has even accused you of being unfaithful to him. Although your parents seem to be very reluctant in filing for you again, I would encourage you to continue to talk to them about it. Tell them that you have come to realise that you made a mistake, so you are begging them to give you another chance to correct the mistake that you have made. I believe that they will.

Pastor