Check Up: Her parents are too strict

Dear Readers,

PD is a 17-year-old who says that she's having many problems with her parents but especially with her mom, who believes she knows the answer to everything!

She can't talk to them, for they won't listen to her at all. They know the answer to just about every situation, and they won't let her go out with her friends anywhere!

PD is thinking of just ignoring their rules and getting on with her life as her parents just don't really care about her. They only care about how things will look.

Her mom is very Christian and won't let her have male friends, won't let her go to parties, or even to the movies.

PD I can hear you pleading with your parents to listen to you. They are not hearing you because they love you and are afraid of the numerous awful challenges and choices that you will have to face when they aren't around to protect you!

Have you sat down with your parents and talked about the things that are affecting your life just now? Have they shared their concerns with you?

Sometimes a family meeting is needed to talk about some of the issues that face teenagers today. Communication is key, and while your parents need to listen to you, you also need to hear their fears and concerns.

Conflicts often occur when parents don't find the time to give their children the support that they need. Also, outlooks and even morals may differ as teenagers are often influenced in how they think by their friends and schoolmates.

If your parents haven't been involved deeply in your school life and don't know your friends, they need to remedy that before making judgement calls.

All of this can take time, but it will be worth it!

When a parent seems to be. complaining about something, ask them what they mean. Involve them in dialogue and ask them to explain further.

This may allow you to understand their fears and either agree that the fears are real or explain how your situation differs.

Often, but not always, middle ground can be found, which will allow both you and your parents to feel satisfied that progress has been made.

There are several websites and books providing guidance and education to parents dealing with their teen children.

NOT AN EASY NEGOTIATION

Some books will help them recall their own struggles as teenagers. Serious issues are sex and drugs, and these may not be easily negotiated. Other issues are often negotiable.

If the conflicts have gone beyond talking things out, then seek counselling for your family.

Speak with your school counsellor, pastor, family doctor, or a well-respected family member or family friend who your parents will listen to.

Talk to them and set up a meeting between them and your parents. Try your best!

Healing your family conflict is worth it! If a child is proven to be trustworthy, then life may not need to be as strict.

Identify sources of conflicts and try to resolve them. You'll win some and lose some! Remember that almost every parent wants his child to grow up healthy and successful.

Parents should honour their children's need for freedom and their need to explore while teaching their children to be safe.