I cheated on my boyfriend for a new outfit

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and this is the first time I am writing to you. I have a boyfriend, but I am not happy. I did something wrong to my former boyfriend and I ended up with this one. I cheated on my former boyfriend and he found out and asked me about it and I was afraid he would beat me because he had a temper, so I told him it was a lie. He asked me again and I started to tremble and he asked me why I was trembling. And I told him that he should promise that he would not hit me if I told him the truth. So, I told him that I cheated on him one time and he grabbed me and I wet myself and he let me go.

Pastor, I didn't mean to cheat on him, but I needed a new outfit to go on a trip and he did not have the money to give me. I knew a man who always begged me for sex. He worked in a store and I went there and showed him the outfit that I wanted to wear and he promised to buy it for me if I would have sex with him. The day before the trip I had sex with the guy during his lunch time.

he put me out

My ex-boyfriend is a security guard so when he left for work in the morning, I got ready to go on the trip. When he came home he saw what I wore and asked me how I got the money and I told him my sister bought it for me. He asked my sister about it and she told him that she didn't. My ex-boyfriend told me that I had to leave, but we could still be friends. I did not leave when he told me to, but he kept telling me to leave. Another guy took me in. He lives in a board house and cockroaches are all over the place. We have to cook and bathe outside. The man who works in the store keeps calling me and telling me that we can be together as soon as he is able to leave his babymother.

I miss my former boyfriend. He was rough, but he used to treat me well. I can't even have any friends come visit because its awful here. He did not even have a good mattress on the bed when I came here, but now he bought a new one.

Do you think I can get to love him? I can't go back home to my mother.

C.A

Dear C.A.,

You made a mistake, but it cannot be undone. You have not said why you cannot go back to your mother. You have admitted that your ex-boyfriend, although he was rough, treated you well. You did not have to go on the trip. As you get older you will have to learn to be content with what you have and with what your boyfriend or husband can afford to give you. Make sure that from now on you learn to live within your means.

Please do not have anything more to do with the guy who works at the store. He has used you and his desire is to continue to use you if you make yourself available. Concerning the guy with whom you are living and his dilapidated house, the condition could have been worst. At least you have a place to sleep. He has changed the mattress so perhaps you can look forward to a kitchen and a bathroom. He might even rent another place. If you find it unbearable living there, you might have to get yourself a job and rent a better place.

What I cannot encourage you to do is to leave this place and go and live with another man. Your former boyfriend is not interested in having you as his woman, but he wouldn't mind the both of you to continue to be good friends. I hope that he is not really trying to inveigle you to have sex with him because he knows that you still love him. Be careful. I wish you well.

Pastor