I cheated, now I'm pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am a 25-year-old woman with two kids. I got married two years ago to a mechanic, who took me up with my kids. Eventually, he moved in with me and my parents in their home. That was not what I wanted, but he told me it was just until he could buy some material to build our home. We are still living with my parents.

Our marriage is based on lies. My husband is very secretive. I don't know anything about him or his relatives. He has no reasoning ability. He goes to work when I am still in bed. When he comes home I am asleep. We don't get time to have a conversation. He works seven days a week. He said he loves me, but shows me no affection or attention. He only comes beside me when he wants sex. As soon as he is finished, he starts disrespecting me.

I have sought attention from someone else. I have fallen in love with a man. He treats me with respect. He is honest, caring and loves God. Within four months of our relationship, I got pregnant. I don't believe it is my husband's baby because we have been trying since we got married.

I love this other guy. I do not love my husband. This other guy is four years younger than I am. He is not working. He wants me to leave my husband and live with him. He said my children and I are his family. I don't want to hurt my husband, but he is hurting me. I am unhappy being with him. He is obsessed with me.

I haven't told him I cheated, but I run jokes and say, "It is not your baby". He said it does not matter whose baby it is. Please give me your advice. I need help to make the right decision.

M.C

Dear M.C.,

Your conscience is bothering you. Oh, oh, I made a mistake. Perhaps you do not have a conscience. You consider your husband a bad man, but you are equally bad. In the first place, you allowed this man to move into your parents' home, though you claim you did not know anything about him. That is such nonsense.

communication

He goes to work while you are in bed and comes home when you already retired, that is the reason you say you do not communicate. You know madam, that is a lie. Even if a man's hours are long, a woman knows when she can talk to him. He communicates with you. He has sex with you often. That is a part of communication. When he touches you for sex why can't you say, "Hey, honey, we need to talk". No man would refuse to talk to his woman around that time because he knows that after the chatting he will get what he wants.

I don't doubt, one bit, that this man is engrossed by his work, but that cannot prevent him from taking time to talk to you because you have declared in your letter that he is obsessed with you. For a man to be obsessed with a woman, he has to spend time with her. So maybe you do not know what the word, 'obsess', means.

I am putting it to you that you have never truly loved this man. You saw him as a means of getting support. You behaved as a bad woman. You didn't care what happened to your relationship with your husband. That is why you had unprotected sex with another man. Whether that younger man is responsible for your pregnancy, it doesn't bother you at all.

To be very frank, madam, I am very sorry for your husband. He is secretive, but perhaps he has good reasons for not trusting you. I know, for sure, though, that the reason why you have married him is not because you love him. You are making a fool of him by joking around, telling him he is not the father of the baby you are carrying. The poor man has not come to the place where he is doubting you, so he still thinks you are joking.

The young man with whom you are having the affair is encouraging you to leave your husband. I hope after you have given birth you will have the courage to do a DNA test. If it proves your husband is not the biological father, you should tell him the absolute truth.

Pastor