My boyfriend has many other girls

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 and asking you for your advice. I am worried because I have a boyfriend. I try to please him but no matter what I do, he still goes to other girls. Right now, he is with a woman who is twice his age. We started having sex one year ago. he took my virginity. I told him that he has to be true to me at all times and he said yes. I tell him everything. I don't hide anything from him. Every time we meet he gives me money but he always wants sex. My mother and I live together. She is a higgler. She is trying to save to buy a house. I love my mother very much. Sometimes she stays with her boyfriend and I am alone at home. She doesn't let her boyfriend sleep at our house because she says she doesn't want any man who loves her to interfere with her daughter.

just wants sex

Sometimes when she is gone to stay with her boyfriend my boyfriend comes and spends a little time with me but he does not stay long. when he comes we just have sex quickly and then he leaves. People might see him coming here but they don't know who he is and when he is here we leave the front door half open but we lock the room door. We always use a condom.

The reason he has other girls is because he does not get to see me all the time. so, he has to have sex with others, especially the older woman who has more experience. I want to be a nurse. From the time I was in high school that has been my goal. Do you think this guy loves me?

C.V.

Dear C.V.,

Your boyfriend is running it hot and if he continues he is going to run out of steam. I hope that you will not cause embarrassment to your mother. Evidently she trusts you and when she leaves and goes to work or to her boyfriend she expects you to behave and not to invite a man into her house.

You know that this young man has other girlfriends including the woman who is much older than himself. He has admitted that he goes with other women. But the reason that he is giving is the same type of reasons that many men use when they cannot see and have sex with certain girls because these girls are under certain restrictions and parental control. What your boyfriend is saying is that if you were available every night then he wouldn't have to go and have sex with these other women. That is nonsense. If you were available he would still fool around because he likes to know that he has more than one woman. I am afraid I cannot encourage you to continue to be in this relationship. It is not healthy. He uses the condom with you but he might not be using the condom with all the other women. I must caution you to be careful. When he comes to your house you keep the front door open because you want to give the impression to the neighbours that nothing is going on. You better watch out because one of these days your mother may return to the house and catch this man and yourself having sex. And she might do something stupid like give you a thorough beating.

Pastor