He keeps putting off the wedding

Dear Pastor

I am a regular reader of your column and I have been having a problem for over a year. I thought that I should write to you for advice. I am a 25 year old woman.

My fiancee lives in Canada. We got engaged two years ago. He told me that he would return to Jamaica within a year and we would get married.

We decided what church we would use and I contacted the minister and told him. The only thing that was not set was the exact date and time.

My parents, especially my mother, were excited to know that her first daughter and first child was getting married.

When the year was coming to an end, he told me that he would not be able to get away from his work but everything would be ready for 2016.

I was disappointed but I kept faith. In 2016, he hardly said anything about the wedding. I always had to be raising the subject.

My mother kept asking what was happening and I kept telling her that I am waiting on him. Then he raised the matter about money; he doesn’t have the money and he knows that I would love to have a big wedding.

I told him no. We could just have family members and close friends.

Now 2016 has gone and this man is still asking me to wait. He has not been back to Jamaica. I asked him if he has a girlfriend in Canada. He did not say yes or no.

He said “I wouldn’t say that”.

Pastor, this man has a good job. Buying a ticket to come to Jamaica should not be a big deal. I suggested that I should come to visit him but he doesn’t want me to do so.

I thought by now we would have been married. I suspect that he has a woman. Sex was always his big problem and I don’t believe that we could be apart from each other for two years and he is not having sex with someone else.

I am confused, disappointed and sometimes I get depressed. What should I do, pastor?

V.S.

Dear V.S.

Perhaps this man meant well when he assured you that he would return to Jamaica and marry you within a year.

Perhaps his plans did not go through due to no fault of his own. However, he should not expect you to wait indefinitely and the concerns that you have about him should be discussed with him freely without reservation.

Perhaps he does not have a girlfriend but by the answer he gave you, you must be suspicious.

You need to find out whether this man has lost interest in you and why doesn’t he want you to visit him if he cannot visit you.

You raised a matter of sex. You know him very well.

Perhaps what you need to do is to take a trip to Canada without his knowledge and go to see him. In that way you will find out for yourself what is happening.

And after seeing him in Canada you will know whether or not you should dump him. I wish you well.

Pastor