I can't stop fornicating

Dear Pastor
I am a 23-year-old woman and I am a Christian. I teach Sunday school and I am on the youth choir. I am in love with a man from another church. But our doctrines are similar.

My parents who are also Christians accept him. His parents accept me also but I am getting a fight with some other girls in the church.

Whenever he visits my church the girls surrounds him. That does not bother me but they carry news on me.

We plan to get married in two years time. But we have been doing something very bad. We went to the movies together and after the movies, we had sex in his car.

I thought I was strong but I could not resist him. After we had sex, I started to cry and both of us cried on each other’s shoulders.

But it has happened again and again and because of what we have been doing, I don’t feel like going to church anymore. I don’t feel like I am a Christian anymore.

We are unable to resist each other. Nobody suspects that we are having sex. A couple of my friends from church asked me why I have not been coming to church and I lied to them.

I feel fortunate because we have never used protection and I have not got pregnant. When I asked my boyfriend why we are having unprotected sex, he said he is not buying the condom because he is ashamed to buy it because people who know him to be a Christian and not married might wonder if he is having sex.

He is the first man I had sex with but I am not his first. My feelings for him have grown stronger. And sometimes I cry myself to sleep. We talk on the phone for long hours.

You might say that we should stop having sex or get married but we cannot afford the type of wedding we would love to have. 

Please give us your advice as a father.
H. I.

Dear H.I.,
If you want to maintain your testimony as a Christian and you are absolutely sure that you are in love with this man, and that you are the only one he is in love with and he does not have any other woman, both of you should plan a simple wedding.

Forget the fairy-tale type of wedding you dreamed of when you were a child. If you have a lot of people at your wedding, it is going to be very expensive.

You don’t have to rent a wedding dress and he does not have to rent a tuxedo. In fact, both of you could have a private ceremony and after a few years when you are financially capable, you may have a renewal of vows and invite the whole world and put on a big splash.

But for now, have something small and then you wouldn’t have to be feeling guilty for engaging in sex. You would be able to engage in sex whenever you want and however you want to do it.

And your man would not have to be ashamed of purchasing the condom and you would not have to be bawling down the place.

You can rededicate your life to God, go to church and sing up a storm on the choir. That is the way I see it.

In the interim, when you go on dates, go to places where you are not alone, so you would not tempted to have sex.

Pastor